Rumic Pygmalion
by Baron Hausenpheffer
Summary: Ranma X Urusei Yatsura. Furinkan and Tomobiki High School are trading a student for the week. The new guy, Ryuunosuke, is an instant hit, but it seems Ranma isn't the only one with a little secret...
1. Lady Looks Like a Dude

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Ranma 1/2 or Urusei Yatsura. Those gender-bending martial artists and obnoxious aliens belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I don't own "Pygmalion", also known as "My Fair Lady", either. It was written by George Bernard Shaw.

Author Notes: There are two things I would like my reviewers for this story to help me with. The first is keeping this story lighthearted. There are several sections which are supposed to be serious, even sad, but please warn me if this thing starts to smack of angst. The second is Ryuunosuke's characterization. I feel that I'm familiar enough with her to do her character justice, but I don't claim to be perfect. If any of you UY buffs out there notice that I'm screwing up, please bring that to my attention. That's about it; enjoy the story!

* * *

"Students, our guest from Tomobiki will be arriving in just a few minutes. I want all of you boys and girls to be on your best behavior," Ms. Hinako said, pouting and wagging a disapproving finger at her "delinquent" pupils.

Ranma rolled his eyes as he leaned back in his chair. "_Tomobiki, eh?_" he thought to himself. "_This oughta be good. Hmm... I wonder how Akane is making out._"

Even among the denizens of Furinkan, long accustomed to the bizarre, Tomobiki was considered an extremely weird place. Ever since the infamous Ataru Moroboshi had narrowly averted an alien invasion there, the suburb had become a haven for extraterrestrials, spooks, and all sorts of strange life forms. At least, that's what the rumors said...

Therefore, it made perfect sense that when Principal Kuno got the notion to exchange a student with another school for two weeks (as a sort of "good will" visit), he would choose a place like Tomobiki. Akane had been the "lucky" student to get picked from Furinkan; she left yesterday evening after a teary farewell from her father. Ranma had to admit that he was a _little_ worried about her, but he also knew that his hot-tempered tomboy of a fiancee could take care of herself. As for the student from Tomobiki, speculation was running rampant, but nothing was known for certain except the name: Ryuunosuke Fujinami.

"So, what do you think Ranma?" Hiroshi asked, snapping Ranma out of his daydreaming. "Do you think we'll get an alien or what?"

"I wouldn't put it past old coconut-head," the pigtailed boy replied with a laugh. "After all, he's pulled stranger stunts!"

"Hey, look!" Daisuke interrupted, pointing at the door. "He's here!"

Ranma turned his head just in time to see the doorknob turn, opening to reveal Furinkan High's demented headmaster. Decked out in loud Hawaiian clothing, wearing shades, and sporting a smile that said "Hug me; I'm insane!", Principal Kuno's very prescence made the students uneasy.

Ignoring their glares, he pulled a microphone from his shirt and loudly announced, "Kids, me be havin' a special treat fo' you today. As you know, we sen' Akane Tendo to Tomobiki High School fo' two weeks, and we be gettin' anuda student to take her place. Dat student is here; come on out and introduce ya'self, keiki!"

Principal Kuno excitedly waved his hand for the person behind him to enter, and as he did so every girl in the room involuntarily gasped. From behind the tanned principal stepped a stunningly handsome young man dressed in black jeans and a white button-up shirt, apparently his school uniform. He was neither tall nor particularly muscled, but the confident way the boy moved bespoke a toughness that left everyone in the room impressed. At the same time, his kind smile reassured them that he was not the sort to go looking for trouble. Looking left and right, Ranma saw to his amazement that the stranger had managed to awe every guy and enthrall every girl in his class without saying a word.

Standing in the center of the room, the boy cleared his throat and said, "Hi. The name's Ryuunosuke Fujinami; pleased to meet you all."

"Class, why don't you all give Ryu a friendly Furinkan welcome?" Hinako said with a sweet little smile.

Her words seemed to trigger a stampede, as every girl in the class mobbed him at once. They were all chattering excitedly, but every one of them was apparently thinking the same thing.

"Oh, he's so cute!"

"Ryu, do you have a girlfriend?"

"I'm available!"

"Hey, back off! I saw him first!"

"Girls, please give him some air!" Hinako pleaded. When she saw that they weren't paying her any attention, she snarled, "You know, girls who can't behave themselves are no better than delinquents, and will be punished accordingly!"

Hinako started to reach for her change purse, but it was unneccesary. The mere thought of shriveling like a prune (especially in front of this cute boy) had sent all of the girls scrambling for their seats, leaving Ryu sprawled out on the floor, panting for breath.

"Now, that's much better!" Hinako giggled. Helping Ryu up, she said, "Mr. Fujinami, you can take that empty seat near the window next to Mr. Saotome. Don't let him get you into any trouble, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am," Ryu muttered, strolling down the aisle and plopping down in his seat. He looked over to his right at the boy the teacher had labeled "troublemaker". His classmate had long black hair braided into a single pigtail and wore Chinese-style clothing instead of the typical blue uniform. Noticing Ryu's stare, Ranma gave him a slight smile, whispering, "Yo."

"Yo," Ryu replied with a small smirk of his own.

"_Ah, this guy ain't so bad,_" Ryu thought, pulling a pencil out of his backpack. "_He probably just got on the teach's bad side or somethin' like that._"

The relative quiet was shattered by the sound of a ukulele being played at breakneck speed. All of the students turned to face their principal, who strummed a final note for effect.

Turning toward the super-petite schoolteacher, he said, "Ms. Hinako, it looks like you got de situation unda control, so I'll be goin' now. Before I go, howevuh, I want to remind all you students dat the school dance is only two weeks away, so be gettin' your duds in order. Dat's all; you have a nice day, now!"

With that, the coconut-headed menace did a quick about-face and departed the room. After watching him leave, Ms. Hinako turned toward her students and exclaimed in a chipper voice, "Well, now that that's done, let's get started with our history lesson! Please turn to page 211 in your textbooks..."

-------------------

"It ain't fair, I tell ya'!" Daisuke fumed. "Between Ranma and Ryu, there isn't an available girl left in the whole school!"

As was their habit, Ranma, Daisuke, Hiroshi, and Ukyo had met up on the roof for lunch, and the topic of the day was the handsome stranger. Word had spread like wildfire among the female student body at Furinkan that the new guy was a real hunk, and most of them had set off in search of the dreamy he-man. Needless to say, this wasn't endearing him to the male students.

"Hey, don't start blaming me for your romantic problems, buddy," Ranma retorted with a hint of annoyance. "Besides, it's not like I asked to have a half-dozen girls after me."

"You know, come to think of it, neither did he..." Hiroshi pointed out. "They just went after him like moths to a flame. Ukyo, you're of the female persuasion; what's the deal?"

The girl dressed in a boy's uniform merely smirked as she pulled two sack lunches out of her schoolbag. "Oh, I don't know..." she muttered. "He's just sexy. It's a little hard to explain; call it 'animal magnetism' if you like."

Changing the subject, she handed Ranma one of the paper sacks. "Ranma honey, I made you some squid okonomiyaki. I hope you like it!"

"I've never met any of your okonomiyaki I didn't like before," Ranma replied with a grin.

"Well, whether he means to or not, Ryu is putting a serious cramp in our style," mumbled Daisuke dejectedly.

Ranma was just about to bite into his okonomiyaki when he heard a noisy chattering sound coming from the courtyard. Peering over the edge of the roof, he had to put up quite an effort to keep from laughing at the sight below.

"Speak of the devil, there he is now," Ranma chuckled, pointing downward at the strange scene.

As the others got up to look over the railing, they saw Ryuunosuke attempting to wade through a veritable sea of women. The girls had him completely surrounded, all vying for his attention and apparently not in the mood to share.

"Darn it; that's EXACTLY what I'm talking about!" Daisuke growled, pulling his hair in frustration.

"Some guys get all the luck..." Hiroshi sighed.

"_Heh, heh. I don't know whether to envy Ryu or pity him!_" Ranma thought with a laugh. "_Y'know, there's something different about that guy, but I just can't put my finger on it. Seems nice enough, though... Maybe it's just my imagination._"

Just then, he noticed that a figure in blue was stalking angrily toward the new student. Ranma's expression took a quick turn from amusement to concern as he recognized who the azure-clothed fellow was. "_Uh oh... What is that jerk up to now?_"

"Hey, is that Kuno?" Ukyo asked, also noticing him. "I wonder what he wants with Ryuunosuke..."

"I don't know, but it's a sure bet that he's up to no good," Ranma angrily replied. "I'd better get down there."

Ranma hurriedly placed his lunch on the ground and dashed out the door, Ukyo close on his heels. Hiroshi and Daisuke took one quick look at one another and swiftly followed them.

-------------------

"_Geez, this is worse than Tomobiki..._" Ryu thought as he trudged along with his crowd of admirers. "_At least the girls there had the decency to stalk me one at a time._"

The chattering and giggles around him suddenly ceased, causing Ryu to look up. In front of him stood a tall, brown-haired boy in a kendo uniform, carrying a bokken and looking rather ticked off.

"Uh, can I help you or somethin'?" Ryu asked hesitantly.

Narrowing his eyes, the boy simply said, "I am looking for Ryuunosuke Fujinami."

"_Something tells me he isn't here for a friendly handshake..._" Ryu thought warily. "I'm Ryu; what do you want?"

"Hmmm... I thought as much," Kuno remarked with a self-assured smirk. "I had heard that a would-be Don Juan from out of town was attempting to seduce the innocent girls of Furinkan High. From the size of your entourage, it would seem that the rumors were true."

"Hey, I ain't trying to seduce nobody!" Ryu snarled. "Just take a second to chill out, and--"

"Silence, wretch!" Kuno boomed. "I will hear no more of your lies! Know that I, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, will not allow you lead these girls astray with impunity. I challenge you to a match!"

At these words, several girls grabbed Ryuunosuke by the arms.

"Don't you dare hurt him, Kuno, or we'll never forgive you!" one shouted.

"You're just doing this because you're jealous, you lech!" another cried.

"Ryu, please don't fight him!" a third pled. "You have no idea how dangerous Kuno can be when he's angry!"

Ryu sighed and looked at the ground. "I suppose it's useless to ask you to talk this out?"

"Quite," Kuno growled. "Now, face me... if ye be man enough."

Ryu looked up with a glare that intimidated even Kuno. Slipping off his backpack, he muttered, "It's your funeral, man. Come at me whenever you're ready."

Regaining his composure, Kuno dashed toward the young man, bokken upraised.

"Have at thee!" he roared, swinging his sword diagonally. Ryu proved to be a limber opponent, easily dodging the attack.

"_Ha! This guy ain't so tough!_" Ryu thought confidently. His cockiness quickly evaporated as the top half of the statue he had been standing next to slid off its base and shattered on the ground, sliced in half by Kuno's attack.

"_Holy hell! He did that with only a wooden sword?_" he thought with a gulp. "_Maybe I spoke too soon..._"

About this time, Ranma and the others arrived on the scene. It didn't take them long to see that their suspicions of Kuno's ill intent had been well-founded. As he took in the situation, however, Ranma became very unsure as to what course of action to take.

"Ranma, should we..." Ukyo asked, her voice trailing off.

"I... I don't know, U-chan," he replied. His mind raced as he pondered the dilemma. "_Man, what to do? On the one hand, I don't want to let Kuno skewer the poor guy. On the other, it goes against my principles to interefere in a man-to-man fight, especially if Ryu can handle this himself..._"

Noticing the look of fear on his opponent's face, Kuno flashed an arrogant smirk. "It seems you are all bark and no bite. Allow me to show you how a real warrior does battle!"

Before Ryu could blink, Kuno had closed the distance between them and let loose a barrage of unbelievably fast sword strikes.

"STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE!" Kuno shouted, swinging, jabbing, and slicing for all he was worth.

"Arrggh!" Ryu winced in pain. Although he was able to parry or dodge quite a few of the strikes, many of them were still getting through. Cuts and bruises began appearing all over Ryuunosuke's body until a final, uppercut-like swing sliced through his shirt and knocked him to the ground. Ryu looked up to see Kuno towering over him, poised to deliver the final blow.

"_I've seen enough; I have to stop this fight!_" Ranma thought, rushing from the sidelines. "_I just hope I'm in time..._"

"Receive thy punishment!" the swordsman bellowed, slicing downward with all his might. To Kuno's shock, however, his sword hit only earth.

"W-what?" Kuno gasped, gawking at his opponent. Doing a one-armed handstand on top of the bokken was Ryuunosuke, glaring at Kuno with an intensity that made his blood freeze in his veins. Meanwhile, Ranma stopped several yards away, awed by the sudden turnaround.

"Bastards like you piss me off," Ryu growled through clenched teeth. Before Kuno could react, Ryu administered three swift, brutal kicks to the face that sent the aristocratic idiot flying off his feet and through the air. Kuno landed in a unconscious heap at Ranma's feet, sporting a broken nose and the beginnings of two black eyes.

"_Whoah... nice!_" Ranma thought, greatly impressed. He looked up just in time to see Ryu dashing toward him, a determined look on his face. Suddenly, Ranma noticed something highly unusual: Ryu's chest seemed to "bob" a little as he ran. Confused, the pigtailed boy took a moment to rub his eyes; by the time he reopened them, Ryu was at his side, panting slightly.

"I hit him a little harder than I meant to," Ryu explained. "He gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, this goon could survive lots worse," Ranma replied, glancing down at Ryu's torn shirt. Underneath the white fabric was a thick layer of bandages, and what looked like... The pigtailed fighter's eyes widened slightly, but he didn't say anything.

"Okay, good to hear. See ya'!" Ryu mumbled, rushing away in an obvious hurry. He dashed toward the waiting crowd, nimbly hopped over it, and kept running. As the girls shot after him in hot pursuit and the guys dispersed, Ranma stood motionless next to Kuno's battered, unconscious form.

Ukyo walked up to him, a playful smile on her face.

"Well, Kuno sure got what he deserved, huh?" she said with a soft giggle. The teenaged chef became silent as she noticed the peculiar look on her fiance's face. "Ran-chan, is something the matter?"

Snapping back to his senses, he quickly muttered, "Um... nothing. We still have a little bit of lunch time left, right? You head to the roof; I'll be there in a minute."

Ukyo sensed that he wasn't telling her something, but decided not to press the matter. "Well, okay, Ran-chan. Don't be long, all right?"

As she walked away, Ranma's mind returned to what had occupied him a few moments ago. "_No way... Could it have been a trick of the light? I don't think that light distorts things THAT much. And then there were the bandages; nobody needs that many bandages for an injury unless they're in a hospital. No two ways about it: Ryu has... boobs._"

As Ranma stood alone in the courtyard, he realized that he had been right in suspecting that there was something strange about Ryuunosuke Fujinami. It wasn't that he was an alien, as Hiroshi had joked that he might be. It wasn't that he was a ladykilling playboy, as Kuno had insinuated. It was something much more basic. To be precise, Ryu wasn't a "he" at all...

"He" was a "she".

-------------------

_That day at Tomobiki High School..._

"Students, our guest from Furinkan will be here any minute now, so I want all of you to behave for once," Onsen-Mark said with a threatening glare toward the 2-4 homeroom, a.k.a. the "Classroom of Failure".

Ataru rolled his eyes as he leaned back in his chair. "_Furinkan, eh?_" he thought to himself. "_This oughta be good. Hmm... I wonder how Ryu-chan is making out._"

Even among the denizens of Tomobiki, long accustomed to strange occurrences, Furinkan was considered an extremely weird place. People who had visited there claimed that everyone and their grandma knew advanced martial arts, and it was also home to a legendary, panty-stealing gremlin. At least, that's what the rumors said...

Therefore, it made perfect sense that when Tomobiki's scatter-brained principal got the notion to exchange a student with another school for two weeks (as a sort of "good will" visit), he would choose a place like Furinkan. Ryuunosuke had left a yesterday, much to the relief of the women-starved male student body at Tomobiki. As for the guest student, speculation was running rampant, but little was known for certain except her name: Akane Tendo.

Ataru was snapped out of his daydreaming by the sound of an opening door. As he looked up, a pretty girl with short, bluish-black hair stepped into the room, accompanied by Tomobiki's bumbling principal.

"Ga-hoy!" Ataru exclaimed. "What a babe!"

Ignoring Ataru's outburst, the stoic headmaster said, "Students, please treat our guest in a manner befitting the marvelous reputation of our beloved Tomobiki High School. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have several urgent matters to attend to..."

The principal made a quiet exit, leaving Akane standing alone at the door. Realizing that she was nervous, Onsen-Mark took her hand and led her to the center of the room.

"Don't be shy..." he whispered with a kind smile.

"Thanks..." she replied, smiling back.

Clearing her throat, she faced her new classmates and said, "Hello! My name is Akane Tendo. It's a pleasure to meet you all."

Stepping forward, Onsen Mark adopted a stern glare and said, "Students, please remember that Ms. Tendo is our guest, which means that she will be treated well by us, the hosts. That means **no** groping, stabbing, shocking, burning, or otherwise harming her while she's here! Do I make myself clear?"

Her eyes becoming as wide as saucers, Akane asked, "Is that even a concern?"

"You'd be surprised..." Onsen-Mark muttered with a tired sigh.

Now thoroughly rattled, Akane silently surveyed her new class. Most of the students looked pretty normal, but three in particular caught her eye. The first was a handsome boy in a white uniform; he looked harmless enough, but the sword at his side said otherwise. The second was a cute girl with long hair, green eyes, and... two tiny horns growing out of her head. The last looked fairly average, but there was something in the look of deranged perversion he was giving her that made her skin crawl. With a sinking feeling, she realized that the only empty seat in the room was right next to him.

"_What have I gotten myself into?_" Akane mentally moaned. Her thoughts of self-pity were interrupted by the husky voice of Onsen-Mark.

"Miss Tendo, please take the empty seat in the back."

As she shuffled apprehensively toward her desk, Akane thought, "_Something tells me it's going to be a long two weeks..._"

END OF CHAPTER 1

-----------------------------------------

Here we go again! It's been a while since I last wrote a Ranma fic that wasn't a one-shot, so I'm eager to see how this will turn out. I hope you've enjoyed the first chapter; as I'm sure you can surmise, there will be plenty more where this came from!

One more word: I just wanted to make it clear here and now that I do **not** update very quickly. As much as I admire those who can pump out a full-sized chapter each week, I'm not one of those people. The fic **will** get finished, and I'll do my best to keep updating regularly, but it's more important to me that the story is GOOD than fast. I hope you agree with this approach; bear with me, and I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Thanks again for reading, and please leave a review!


	2. Tent Talk

_**BOOOOOOOOOM!**_

"Man, what nasty weather!" Ryu muttered. "Good thing this tent is waterproof..."

Ryuunosuke Fujinami sat alone in her tent, listening to the rain fall and watching lighting streak across the sky. Although Furinkan's principal had offered to let her stay at the home of one of his students, Ryu instead opted for camping out in a vacant lot near the school. She didn't want to be a burden; besides, with her obnoxious father, Ryu could use the alone time. Turning from the plastic window, her eyes settled on a ripped shirt sitting in the corner.

"Grr... why'd that loser have to go and wreck my shirt, anyway?" she grumbled. "I guess I'll have to fix it tonight..."

While Kuno's onslaught had been unexpected, it was hardly anything new for Ryuunosuke. Between her father's carelessness and her own tendency to attract the ladies, she was used to having people randomly attack her, but that didn't change the fact that such incidents were a real pain in the neck. Luckily, she always kept a spare shirt in her backpack in the event of an unexpected brawl; that's how she finished the school day without attracting unwanted attention.

At that moment, the sound of a hissing tea kettle took Ryu's mind off her damaged duds. She quickly reached for the small gas burner, turned the heat off, and began scrounging around for a teacup.

"I know I left one around here somewhere," she muttered. Her face brightened as she found the object of her search. "Aha! There you..."

Ryuunosuke's voice trailed off as she noticed the rapidly growing shadow of a man approaching her tent. "_Who in the world would be running around in this kind of weather?_" she wondered. Her curiosity getting the better of her, Ryu slipped a raincoat on, unzipped her tent door, and stepped out to meet her unexpected visitor. Upon seeing who it was, a look of surprise momentarily flashed across her face, but she quickly covered it with an unflinching gaze. Not fazed by the poker face, her pigtailed visitor grinned at her from under his umbrella.

"Hey... Saotome, right?" Ryu greeted him in an cold, monotone voice. "How's it going?"

"Ah, pretty good," Ranma replied. "I wouldn't mind some sunnier weather, but otherwise I can't complain. Er... speaking of that, do mind if I come inside?"

After thinking it over for a second, Ryu gave him an affirmative nod. As the two climbed inside the tent, Ryu thought back to what she had learned about this boy earlier today. Having encountered him both in her homeroom class and during the fight at lunch, Ryu had become curious about the pigtailed fellow in Chinese clothing and asked several students to tell her more about him. It seemed that everyone had a different spin on exactly who and what Ranma Saotome was, but several facts emerged from every account. He was still a relatively new student, having only moved to Furinkan this year. Most had characterized him as a lady-killer, and all said he was without a doubt the best fighter in Furinkan High School, if not all of Nerima. Finally, he was the only student strong enough to keep Kuno, the school's resident psycho, in check. Apparently, the kendo expert had lorded it over the school with an iron fist before Ranma appeared and stomped him into the ground (something that has since become routine). Freeing them from Kuno's reign of terror without becoming the new school bully had earned the pigtailed boy a great amount of respect and gratitude from his fellow classmates.

Interesting as all of this info was, it didn't answer Ryu's current question: what business could he possibly have with her that would bring him out in this storm? Once Ryu had zipped the door shut and sat down across from Ranma, some of her earlier sterness melted away.

"Say, you want some tea?" she asked. "I just finished heating up a kettle, and I'm pretty sure I have an extra cup around here somewhere."

"Sure, thanks!" Ranma replied, carefully setting his wet umbrella aside. As Ryu began rummaging around for another cup, Ranma silently scanned the tent. Honestly, he was surprised at just how sparse it was; even when compared to what Ranma was used to, the setting was rather Spartan. A sleeping bag lay in one corner, a tiny mirror and a toothbrush hung from the tent wall, and Ryu's clothes and backpack sat in a pile near the door. In fact, the only luxury in the entire tent appeared to be the tea simmering on the gas stove.

"_I can hardly believe that a girl would camp out like this; this is rugged, even for me!_" Ranma thought with awe. "_Maybe I just imagined... No, no way! I know what I saw!_"

"Hey, buddy, you gonna take the tea or what?" Ryu asked, annoyed.

Ranma snapped to, suddenly noticing the teacup being held in front of him. Embarrassed, he took it from Ryu's outstreched hand.

"Heh, heh. Sorry 'bout that! I guess I kind of zoned out for a second there," he said with a laugh.

His chuckle ceased when he saw that Ryu was giving him that uneasy stare again. "What?" he asked, genuinely confused.

After considering her words for a moment, Ryu replied, "Look, no offense, man, but I doubt that you weathered that storm just to sit here and drink tea. If this is about beating up Kuno today, then believe me when I say I'm not trying to muscle in on your territory. I'm only gonna be here for two weeks, and I don't want any trouble."

Eyes lighting up with understanding, Ranma said, "No, no; you've got it all wrong! I don't care about that at all. As far as I'm concerned, you gave the moron exactly what he deserved. In fact, feel free to beat him down again if he starts making a pest of himself."

A relieved smile spread across Ryu's face. While she enjoyed a good scrap just as much as the next guy... girl... whatever, she really didn't feel like having an all-out war erupt inside her tent.

"Well, what then? Like I said, this ain't exactly prime weather for visiting," she said, slurping on her tea.

"I... uh... just wanted to ask you a few questions; that's all," Ranma answered. "For example, how do you like class? What do you think of Miss Hinako and Principal Kuno? How 'bout that cafeteria food?"

As Ryu was taking a big gulp of tea, Ranma added, "You're a girl, ain't ya?"

Upon hearing the last question, Ryu's eyes went wide and she began to choke on her tea. Seeing her hack and cough, Ranma thought with a sinking feeling that he had been mistaken, and desperately began trying to think up an apology. When Ryuunosuke finally stopped sputtering, however, she looked up with a smile on her face.

"Yup. What clued you in, if ya don't mind my asking?" she asked, wiping her tea-covered chin on her sleeve.

Glad that he had been right and that Ryu didn't seem angry, Ranma let out a sigh of relief. Grinning, he told her, "Remember how you ran over to make sure you didn't mess Kuno up _too_ much? Well, your chest wasn't exactly 'stationary' while you were running. I did a double-take to make sure I wasn't seeing things, noticed the bandages, and well... I think you get the picture."

"So, you only knew because you saw the sarashi?" she queried, looking rather glum. After a hesitant nod from Ranma, Ryu sighed and hung her head. "And here I was thinkin' that I might've actually done something feminine for once..."

Ranma could only stare at the depressed girl in confusion. None of this was making sense! If her boyish appearance was just a disguise, then what had she meant by that last remark? Also, why did she seem so bummed out? Was it because her cover had been blown?

Believing that to be the most reasonable guess, Ranma said, "Hey, don't worry. Your secret is safe with me; I promise not to tell a soul."

Ryu looked up with a wry grin on her face. "My being a girl ain't a secret; at least, it's not supposed to be. What I mean is that I ain't trying to hide it. I'm just living the only way I know how."

If Ranma had been confused before, he now felt more lost than Ryoga in a labyrinth. Seeing her guest's utter look of bewilderment, Ryu couldn't help but laugh. "Somethin' tells me that I lost you," she chuckled. "Maybe I should start from the beginning?"

"If you wouldn't mind..." Ranma said, thoroughly puzzled.

After taking another sip of tea, Ryu began telling Ranma her story.

"Basically, most of my problems can be traced back to my old man," she explained. "Y'see, my family has been running a beachside teashop, Hamajaya, for three generations now, and my dad is the latest owner. He always wanted a strong son to carry on the family business, but my birth put those plans on hold. Mom died not long after I was delivered, leaving him son-less. Now, this is where a normal, rational man would've decided to make do with a daughter, but 'normal and rational', Dad ain't. He wasn't about to let my being a girl get in the way of his dreams of a perfect son, so he decided to raise me as a boy."

As Ranma's eyes widened in shock, she continued. "I have to hand it to the old man; he was just as thorough as he was persistent. He started off by giving me a boy's name and haircut, but he didn't stop there. When other girls wore dresses, I wore blue jeans. When they were playing with dolls, I was playing with dinosaurs and monster trucks. While other girls were learning... whatever they teach girls, Dad was putting me through the wringer with advanced martial arts training. What's worse, he beat the crap out of me every time I even attempted anything feminine. To this day, he still won't admit that I'm his daughter, not his son. Anyway, all of that brainwashing left me a pretty messed-up kid, a girl with a mind wired like a guy's. I know it, and I ain't happy about it, neither."

After a few moments of silence, Ryu sighed bitterly and grumbled, "All I've ever wanted is to be feminine. Nothing big; just wearing a dress every now and again, walking in high heels without falling on my ass, and not instantly attracting every girl I meet. With 16 years of 'manly man' training behind me, though, I'm just about a lost cause."

Ryuunosuke fell silent, shrugged, and took another sip of tea. Meanwhile, Ranma's head was reeling from all that he had just heard. Ryu's bizarre tale of gender confusion and an obnoxious, overbearing father had hit really close to home for the young martial artist, causing him to feel profound sympathy for her. An idea suddenly popped into his head, one that he tried to dismiss at first. After taking a moment to ponder it, however, he began to think that it might not be such a bad idea after all...

"Ryu, I..." Ranma began, abruptly halting in mid-sentence.

"Yeah?" she asked. It was plain to see that Ranma was wrestling with whether or not to continue, piquing Ryu's curiosity.

Evidently making up his mind, Ranma quietly finished, "I'll help you. Y'know, to become more ladylike and all. I can't guarantee anything, but..."

Smiling sadly, she replied, "Look, I appreciate it, but it's been tried before. It didn't do a bit of good. Like I said, I'm pretty much hopeless."

"With that attitude, yeah," Ranma remarked, leaning back. "If you put your mind to it, though, there's no reason why you couldn't change. As long as you're willing to try, there's always hope. It's just like the old saying: where there's a will..."

"... there's a way," Ryu finished. A genuine smile crept across her face as she thought over his offer. "_By God, he's right! There ain't a reason in the worldwhy I couldn't become more feminine if I really work hard at it. Besides, with Dad away, this might be the perfect opportunity to make some progress!_"

Still, she couldn't help but wonder what was motivating Ranma to go out on a limb like this. Unlike her previous "trainers", Ataru and Mendo, this guy didn't show any noticeable tendency toward perversion. This made it unlikely that he was trying to help her merely to get close enough to attempt something dirty. Also, it was obvious enough from Ryu's surroundings that he wouldn't make any money off the venture. Could it simply be that he was a nice guy?

"Can I... ask you something?" she finally inquired. "Why are you doing this? I'm nobody to you..."

"Well, I feel sorry for you," he answered, sitting back up. "And believe it or not, I kinda know what you're going through. I've got a psycho, hypocritical dad who has been training me in the martial arts since I could walk, I barely remember my mom, and my Pop is always getting on my case to be more of a 'man among men'. Also, I... er... how to put this?"

"What?" Ryu asked, amused at his discomfort. "You're talking to a cross-dressing karate chick. How bad could it be?"

Sweatdropping and putting his hand behind his head, Ranma whispered, "Don't blab this around, but I've got a few... gender issues of my own."

Suddenly looking very uncomfortable, Ryu backed up slightly and gave the pigtailed boy an odd look.

"Y-you're not one of those creepy 'wish I was born a woman' kind of guys, are you?" she asked with a gulp. "No offense, but--"

"HUH?" Ranma gasped. Waving his arms wildly, he stammered, "N-no! No way! Nuh-uh! It's nothing like that! I swear!"

Calmed somewhat by these assurances, Ryu allowed herself to relax and eyed her guest questioningly. "Well, what then?" she demanded. "I mean, you didn't wear a dress over here or anything, so..."

Ranma stared at his feet, fidgeting nervously. Looking up, he said, "What I'm about to show you stays between the two of us, got that?"

Ryu gave a tense nod, wondering what the pigtailed boy's secret could possibly be. "_If he starts unzipping his pants, I'm SO outta here..._" she thought uneasily.

Thankfully, Ranma Saotome's hands instead went for a different zipper, that of the tent door. After opening it, he looked over at her with a steely, intent stare.

"Now, watch..." he instructed, sticking his hand out into the pouring rain.

No sooner had Ranma's hand touched the cold water than the remarkable transformation began to occur. As Ryuunosuke watched in wide-eyed fascination (to say nothing of disbelief), Ranma's hair began changing from its normal jet-black color to a fiery red. He became shorter, and his hips seemed to widen. Probably most noticeable, however, was his rapidly swelling chest, which soon took the form of large, womanly breasts. Finally, the contours of his face adjusted to give him a more feminine appearance. Within a matter of seconds, the change was complete. Ryu stared in goggle-eyed astonishment at the pretty girl sitting across from her, the girl who only seconds before had been Mr. Ranma Saotome.

Ryu pointed a shaky finger at the redhead as she struggled to find her voice. Finally, she choked out, "H-holy shit! You... you just turned into a chick!"

Ranma scratched her head in embarassment. "Yeah, I... um... kinda tend to do that," she said with a soft chuckle. "Maybe it's my turn to start from the beginning?"

"Works for me..." Ryu mumbled, still stupefied by what she had just witnessed.

After closing the tent door, Ranma turned to face Ryuunosuke, who was staring at him/her with a mix of curiosity and astonishment.

"All right, I'll give you the short version," the redhead began. "As you've probably heard by now, my father and I are both martial artists, and not long ago we were on the last leg of a decade-long training journey. As a sort of 'final test' before we went home, my old man had the bright idea to go to this legendary training ground in China called Jusenkyo. Just looking at it, Jusenkyo seems to be nothing more than a bunch of springs with bamboo poles sticking out of them, but there's more to it than that. Every last one of those dumb springs is cursed! Of course, my stupid old man didn't know that because he couldn't read the Chinese pamphlet. Feh... We should have known better..."

"What was the curse?" Ryu interrupted. "I'm assuming that's why you change, right?"

Ranma nodded. Adopting a Quinghai accent, she said, "Whoever fall in spring, take body of whatever drown there last. Very tragic story!"

After snickering at her own impersonation for a few seconds, Ranma concluded, "As you probably guessed already, we fell in. Now, I turn into a girl every time I get splashed with cold water, and Pop turns into a panda. Luckily..."

The pigtailed girl grabbed her teacup and splashed herself in the face with the contents, promptly becoming a pigtailed boy again. "Ta-da! Hot water changes me back!" he grinned.

Laughing, Ryu gave him a little applause for this small feat. "Boy, you're a regular bad luck magnet, ain't ya? Reminds me of someone else I know..."

"Yeah, you could say that," Ranma mumbled as he wiped his face off. "Anyway, I hope this sort of explains things. This curse might be a real pain in the neck, but it puts me in a pretty good position to help you out. I've learned how to act like a girl from a guy's perspective, so maybe I can teach you to do the same thing."

"I won't promise any miracles, but I bet we can at least move you from 'manly man' to 'tomboyish girl'," he said, holding out his hand. "So, Ryu... what do you say? Wanna give it a shot?"

For a moment Ryu seemed hesitant, but the wide grin she flashed just seconds later showed that it had merely been an act.

"Hahahaha!" she laughed, crushing his hand in a vise-like grip. "What the hell do you think? 'Course I accept! I was kinda planning on taking you up on your offer even before you told me your secret, but that sealed the deal. If anybody oughtta be able to help me, it's you. So... when do we start?"

Ranma thoughtfully glanced at his watch. "Well..." he began, "it's getting kinda late, but tomorrow's the weekend, so let's just start early tomorrow morning, okay?"

"Sure, sure. Where do you want to meet?" Ryu asked eagerly.

"The Tendo Dojo," Ranma replied. "That's where I'm staying. If you're early enough, you could even join us for breakfast. I'll probably be training with Pop first thing, but it shouldn't take very long. Here, I'll write down the address..."

Grabbing a sheet of paper and pen from Ryu's school supplies, Ranma scribbled the address down and handed it to the friendly cross-dresser. "Now remember: bright and early. The sooner we get started, the sooner we can start making progress."

"Hey, I'll be there with bells on!" Ryu laughed. "In fact, you'll be lucky if I don't show up in the middle of the night!"

"Heh, heh. Good attitude!" Ranma said as he picked up his umbrella. "Well, I'm sure the folks at home are starting to wonder what became of me. I'd better be gettin' back. Later, Ryu!"

As Ranma opened the parasol and stepped out into the rain, Ryu called out, "Hey, Saotome!"

Turning around, Ranma asked, "Yeah?"

A warm grin on her face, Ryu said, "I... just wanted to tell you that I appreciate this. A lot. If you're willing to put out the effort to help me, then I promise not to let ya down."

Ranma didn't answer; he simply returned the smile. As he walked away, Ryu got up to zip the tent door shut again. Before she did so, she took one last glance at the disappearing figure of her soon-to-be "womanhood trainer".

"_Man, that guy makes **me** feel normal,_" Ryu thought. "_Sure, I may look and act like a guy, but a good look in the mirror when I ain't fully clothed is all it takes to see that I'm a chick. That dude, though... I just hope for his sake that he's confident in his masculinity, 'cuz that curse is a mind-trip. Still, he's got all the right qualities that my other 'teachers' didn't. Unlike those perverts Moroboshi and Mendo, he has a better motivation than making me into some kinda floozy. Also, he's likely to have a lot more patience than Lum or Shinobu did._"

As she shut the door and resumed drinking her tea, Ryu mused, "_At any rate, if Ranma learned how to act like a girl from a guy's mindset, then maybe, just maybe..._"

"_I can, too..._"

-------------------

_That day at Tomobiki..._

As dark clouds began gathering overhead, Akane Tendo remained sitting on the steps of Tomobiki High School. With her head resting on her knees and her eyes staring despondently into space, she was the very picture of misery. She had good reason to be gloomy; it wasn't every day that one made as bad a first impression as she believed she had. It all started when the lecherous-looking fellow that she had sat next to, Ataru Moroboshi, violated Onsen-Mark's rule of "no grabbing".

The moment she felt a hand on her butt, Akane had reacted with her usual high standard of unnecessary force. After having five desks and two chairs smashed onto his skull, Ataru had crawled away as fast as his broken bones would allow, screaming, "**Save me! It's the Hulk! THE HULK!**"

Too late, Akane realized that she had overreacted. Everyone in the class was staring nervously at her, and their hushed whispers were more than Akane could take. Blushing furiously, she asked to be excused and rushed out of the room. She spent the rest of the homeroom period in the school nurse's office. Although the nurse, a beautiful woman named Sakura, had assured Akane that her only symptom was "stomach butterflies", the upset girl refused to go back until class had ended. Akane had tried to remain inconspicuous the rest of the day, but wherever she went, the whispers followed. Now, nearly an hour after school had ended, she still couldn't shake her overwhelming feeling of embarassment.

"Sigh... It's days like this that make me wonder if Ranma isn't just teasing with all of that 'tomboy' stuff..." the short-haired girl mumbled into her dress.

Just then, Akane felt a hand tap her gently on the shoulder.

"Excuse me..." a girl's voice said. "Are you Akane Tendo? The one who beat Ataru into a pulp this morning?"

"Rub it in, why don't you?" Akane replied bitterly, not looking up. "Yes, I'm Akane. Can I help you or something?"

"Hahahaha! There's no need to sound so depressed about it!" the girl said with a crisp, clear laugh. "That moron got fresh, you taught him a lesson, and you're both better off now, right?"

Cheered somewhat by the girl's words, Akane turned around to face her. Her visitor was a pretty girl with clear blue eyes, shoulder-length brown hair, and a charming smile that seemed to put one's mind at ease.

"I'm Shinobu, Shinobu Miyake," the girl introduced herself. "Normally, beating up Ataru is _my_ job. He and I used to be a couple, so I know how he can be. Ataru means well for the most part, but every now and again you have to put him in his place. After all, we girls can't allow perverts to put their hands wherever they please, right?"

Laughing, Akane replied, "My thoughts exactly! Look, I'm sorry if I seemed rude a moment ago; I just felt so embarrassed about making such a bad impression on my first day. Everyone probably thinks I'm some kind of psycho-girl now..."

"Nah, most of them were impressed," Shinobu remarked. "They all thought that I was the only one capable of smashing someone with two desks at once."

"_Y'know, I think I like this girl!_" Akane thought, trying to suppress a giggle. "_She reminds me of myself, just with a drier sense of humor. Maybe we could be friends..._"

"Anyway, I just thought that I would find you and introduce myself. You'll be staying at my house, after all," Shinobu explained.

Surprised, Akane dug around in her purse until she located the paperwork the principal had given her. Sure enough, it said that she would be staying at the Miyake residence. For the first time since that morning, a smile spread across Akane's face; it would seem that she had found both a friend and a nice roommate at the same time!

As Akane rose to her feet, Shinobu said, "My house isn't far from here. Are you ready to go?"

"Sure!" Akane replied, picking up her schoolbag. As they began walking along, she sheepishly said, "Um... Shinobu, isn't it? Would you mind if I asked you a question?"

"Go ahead; ask away," she answered amicably.

"Was I imagining things, or does one of the girls in class 2-4 have horns?" Akane whispered, feeling awkward asking such a strange question.

"Hahaha! You must be talking about Lum!" Shinobu laughed. "No, you weren't imagining things. It's a long, **long** story... You remember that alien invasion about a year ago, don't you?"

As Akane listened attentively to Shinobu's story, they walked out the gate, blissfully unaware of the creepy pair of eyes that were watching them from a nearby vacant lot. The eyes in question belonged to a diminuitive Buddhist monk roasting radishes in front of a makeshift tent.

As Cherry stirred the fire with a poker, he muttered, "Hmm... That girl has a very, very unlucky aura. Nothing like that poor lad Moroboshi, to be sure, but still quite unfortunate. It saddens me to see an innocent girl so afflicted with evil spirits, but I suppose it's fate. All the same, I must be sure to warn her before she leaves..."

"But first, I have more important matters to attend to," he muttered, salting a radish.

END OF CHAPTER TWO

---------------------------------------------

Happy 2006, everybody! I'm sorry about the wait; with the holidays and all, I had much more on my mind than just fanfiction. Fear not, though, because I can guarantee that you won't have to "wait another year" for chapter three. A metamage named Sean brought to my attention the fact that I gave no timeframe (in relation to the actual series) for this story. The truth is that chronology doesn't really matter all that much here; the main thing to remember is that all the major characters from "Ranma 1/2" and "Urusei Yatsura" have already been introduced by this point. If you want something a little more specific, I guess you could place it slightly after the middle of both shows.

Well, the relation between this story and its title should now be clear. Will Ryuunosuke be able to shake a lifetime of messed-up behavioral conditioning? Just what kind of "training" does Ranma have in mind? Most importantly, how are Ataru's bones knitting? The answers to some of these questions and more lie in the next exciting chapter! Be there, or... don't. (Please do, though. This story wouldn't be nearly as much fun to write without you!)


	3. Clothes Make the Woman, Part 1

"Tendo Anything-Goes Dojo... Yup. This is the place, all right," Ryuunosuke said, glancing down at the address Ranma had given her last night.

True to her word, Ryu got up well before sunrise in order to begin her "training" as soon as possible. It had taken a little searching (Ranma's handwriting was really bad), but she found the correct house just as the first rays of dawn began streaming from the eastern horizon.

After streching for a moment, she happened to notice a small sign nailed to the wall that read, "To defeat owner in savage combat, use rear door".

"Hahahahaha!" Ryu laughed, hands on her hips. "Man, that's rich! We need a sign like that at the teashop; it'd save the front door a lot of wear and tear."

As her laughter died down, she thoughtfully placed her fist below her chin. "Hmm... That brings up a good question, though. Should I knock, just let myself in, or what? It's still kinda early, so they might not be awake yet."

The words had barely left her mouth when she heard voices coming from behind the wall.

"**Stupid old man!** What's the big idea dumping ice water on me first thing in the morning?"

"Silence, you lazy good-for-nothing! If you'd have gotten up faster, it wouldn't have been necessary!

"Why, you...! C'mere!"

Ryu watched in amazement as two people, one a redhead that she recognized as girl-type Ranma and the other an older man in a gi, hopped from the yard to the roof of the Tendo home.

"Whoa! What are they, grasshoppers?" Ryu whispered, incredulous. Trying to get a better view, she scrambled on top of the wall and stood in rapt attention as the two martial artists took up their fighting stances.

Genma adopted a defensive pose, growling, "How dare you even THINK of hitting your father? I'll teach you a lesson you won't soon forget, you insolent little punk!"

"Shut up and fight, already!" Ranma retorted, leaping toward her father.

Anticipating the attack, Genma met her in midair, and soon the fists and feet were flying. Below, Ryuunosuke watched with a mixture of disbelief and admiration as the two carried out an all-out war nearly 30 feet off the ground. Being an excellent fighter herself, she could truly appreciate how much physical and mental exertion a midair melee like that must take.

Ryu whistled and said, "No wonder Ranma's supposed to be so good. His old man is one tough old bird... Man, I wish I had some popcorn or somethin'."

At that moment, Ranma and Genma reached the apex of their little flight and began the swift drop down. As they disappeared behind the house, Ryuunosuke dashed along the top of the wall in hot pursuit. Rounding a corner, she found herself in what appeared to be the back yard, complete with a little koi pond. The Saotomes were still going at it full-swing, with neither father nor son/daughter having a clear advantage. Finally, Ranma took advantage of a missed roundhouse kick to grab her father with a Judo throw and toss him headfirst toward the pond. However, the old man wasn't out of tricks just yet.

"Yow! Let go of my pigtail, ya ol' fool!" Ranma protested as the force of her own throw lifted her into the air.

"Join me for a morning swim, boy?" Genma quipped right before they hit the water.

Ryu involuntarily jumped when a giant panda rose out of the water a few seconds later. Sure, Ranma had told her about Genma's curse, but seeing it in action was another thing altogether! Once she got over her shock, though, she couldn't help but be amused.

Before Ranma and Genma could resume their morning skirmish, the sounds of laughter and applause reached their ears. Turning, they saw Ryu seated on top of the wall, clapping and smiling ear-to-ear.

"Nice match!" she said with a chuckle. "Not quite as vicious as my fights with my dad, but the special effects were **much** better. Hahaha!"

Genma pulled out a sign from God-knows-where that read "HE A FRIEND OF YOURS, BOY?"

Waving at Ryu, Ranma replied, "Yeah, she is."

"SHE?" Genma asked, confused for obvious reasons.

"It's kind of a long story..." Ryuunosuke said sheepishly, hopping down from the wall.

Before the afore-mentioned long story could be told, a pretty soprano voice chimed, "Ranma, Mr. Saotome! It's time for breakfast!"

"Be right there in a second, Kasumi!" Ranma answered.

Ryu stared past Ranma and her panda Pop at the beautiful young woman standing by the table. At first, Ryu felt really nervous; her father had done **such** a good job with her brainwashing that she was almost as timid around a pretty girl as any boy would be! Luckily, Kasumi's famously kind smile showed Ryu that she had nothing to dread.

Kasumi had noticed Ryu at about the same time that Ryu caught sight of her. With a surprised little gasp, she exclaimed, "Oh! Ranma, you didn't tell me you had a visitor. Please, won't you join us for breakfast?"

Blushing slightly, Ryu mumbled, "Y-you sure it ain't no trouble?"

"Of course not!" Kasumi replied. "Please, come in and help yourself!"

"Since you put it that way..." Ryu chuckled.

-------------------

"Hmm... You don't say? Akane's replacement at the high school, eh? Well, it's a pleasure to meet you!" Soun declared, taking a sip of miso soup.

"Hey, the pleasure's mine. By the way, thanks for the free eats!" Ryu replied as Kasumi sat a bowl of rice in front of her. "I ain't used to having such a nice breakfast."

After silently scrutinizing Ryu for a few moments, Genma said, "Pardon me for asking, but I don't think I caught your name..."

Slapping her forehead, Ryu muttered, "Duh! I can't believe I forgot to introduce myself. Sorry; I'm Ryuunosuke Fujinami."

Genma's eyes lit up as if remembering something long forgotten. "Fujinami? I don't suppose your family runs a teashop?"

"Well, yeah, as a matter of fact, we do," Ryu replied. "But how did you--"

"And your father..." Genma said, interrupting her. "Does he have incredibly scary close-ups? Do waves splash around him for no particular reason? Does he really, **really** love the sea?"

"Hahaha! Yes, yes, and yes!" Ryu chuckled. "How do you know my dad?"

"Bwahahaha!" Genma chortled excitedly. "I knew it! I knew from the moment I saw you that you had to be Fujinami's kid!"

"You trying to start a fight?" Ryu snarled, slamming her fists on the table.

"Don't worry; I wasn't talking about looks," Genma reassured her. "It's just that your mannerisms are so similiar."

Soun coughed and said, "I'm a little confused, Saotome. You and I trained and went to school together our entire young lives, but I don't ever recall meeting this 'Fujinami' person."

"Don't you remember, Tendo? I moved away for two years during middle school," Genma reminded him. "That's when I met Fujinami. Both of us were really into martial arts and had an appreciation for good cooking, so we became great friends. We were so rowdy that the teachers took to calling us 'the Terrible Twosome'. Hahaha!"

Ranma and Ryu were both sweatdropping. Ranma mumbled, "You don't say..."

"_From the way Ryu described her dad, I can't exactly say I'm surprised,_" Ranma thought to herself. "_My upbringin' suddenly makes a whole lot more sense..._"

"_If this joker was 'great friends' with my dad, then he's gotta be trouble on two feet,_" Ryu mused. "_Better keep an eye on him, just in case._"

Their thoughts were interrupted by Kasumi's soft voice. She said, "It sounds like the two of you were very close, Mr. Saotome."

"Yes, very close indeed!" Genma nodded. "We talked and sparred all the time. Why, we even--"

Suddenly, Genma's eyes went wide and he got very quiet, very quickly.

"Hey, what's up, Pop?" Ranma asked. "You act like you just saw a ghost."

For a moment, Genma just stared into space. Finally, he murmured, "I think it's time for my morning nap. If you'll excuse me..."

Genma hastily bowed toward the others and left the room. They all stared after him, most with looks of suspicion on their faces.

"That man is hiding something," Nabiki flatly stated.

"Tell me something I don't know," Ranma retorted, setting down an empty rice bowl. "Doesn't matter, though. I'll worm the truth out of him sooner or later. Ryu, you ready to go?"

After wolfing down a final mouthful of rice, she replied, "Yeah, sure. Ready when you are."

"So, are you going very far, Ranma?" Kasumi asked. "I don't mean to be nosy; I just need to know whether or not to prepare you any supper."

"Ah, we're not goin' far," the redhead replied, standing up. "Just around town for a while. Thanks for breakfast, by the way."

Ranma walked out the door, and Ryu was about to follow when she suddenly turned and bowed toward Kasumi.

"Thanks a lot for the meal, Ms. Tendo," she said. "It was really delicious."

"Why, thank you!" Kasumi said with a smile. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. Take care, now!"

After Ryu had made her exit, Nabiki turned toward Kasumi and said, "Now _that_ boy is cute! If it weren't for the fact that he seems so poor, even I might be interested."

"He was very sweet," Kasumi agreed, "and polite, too. That's not something that you see very often these days."

"I hate to ruin your boy-chasing, ladies, but Ranma informs me that Ryuunosuke is a girl," a voice from behind them said.

They all turned to see Genma Saotome standing in the doorway, looking rather grim.

"What?" Kasumi gasped. "But Ryu seemed so... well, boyish!"

"No way!" Nabiki exclaimed. "You're pulling my leg, right?

"Now, now, girls. If there's anything at all I've learned in the last year, it's that nothing should be taken at face value in this town," Soun remarked.

After thinking about it for a second, Kasumi said, "Well, I suppose there is Ranma, Mr. Saotome, Ukyo, Tsubasa, Shampoo, Pantyhose Taro..."

"Okay, okay; I concede the point," Nabiki said, rolling her eyes. Turning toward Genma, she smirked and remarked, "You know, you didn't take a very long nap, Mr. Saotome. Have trouble sleeping?"

Genma didn't bother replying; he had much bigger worries.

"_It's all well and good for her to laugh,_" he thought nervously. "_She doesn't know what I know. Crap... I hope the boy is in a good mood._"

-------------------

"What a cute couple..." an old woman mumbled to herself as she glanced down the street.

Not too far away, a busty girl with her hair in a pigtail was walking alongside a handsome young "man" with short, black hair.

As they walked by, she smiled and murmured, "Ah, to be young again..."

"_Damn it..._" Ranma thought, blushing after hearing the remark. "_It doesn't take anything to start rumors around here..._"

"So, where are we going first?" Ryu asked, snapping the annoyed redhead back to reality.

"Oh, um... well, first thing is for you to change clothes, so I guess we're going to your tent," Ranma informed her.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" Ryu asked defensively. "I mean, I know they aren't high-dollar duds, but--"

"We're going clothes shopping," Ranma blurted, stopping.

"Wha--? You mean... we're going to buy a dress or somethin'?" Ryu asked hopefully.

"Yeah, something like that," Ranma answered. "I figure the first step to acting like a normal girl should be dressing like one. On a related note, I don't suppose you have any money?"

At these words Ryu's emotional level plummeted. Hanging her head, she muttered, "I... I only have five yen. I don't think that'll help, though..."

"Hey, don't worry about it!" Ranma said, patting her on the shoulder. "I figured that might be the case, so I brought along some money I've been putting back."

"Y-you mean you'll buy it for me?" Ryu gasped, elated. "Geez, man... thanks!"

"Ah, don't mention it. I'm feelin' pretty generous today," Ranma said, shrugging it off. While Ranma was nearly as far below the poverty line as Ryuunosuke most of the time, he had never spent the money he earned while serving as a waitress at the Cat Cafe. It wasn't a fortune by any means, but it ought to cover whatever purchases they were about to make.

"Still... why do I need to change clothes?" Ryu asked. "It ain't like the rest of my wardrobe is any girlier than this."

"Maybe so," Ranma replied, "but before we go shopping for women's clothing, you might want to ditch the chest wrap and pick out a shirt that doesn't have the word 'man' sewn on the back. Might make you look a little weird, ya know?"

"Umm... yeah," Ryu mumbled, her face turning bright red. "Point taken."

-------------------

The manly-girl and girly-man soon found themselves standing in front of Nerima's local mall. Being a weekend, it was really packed with people, many of them Ranma's schoolmates. The two stood motionless like an island amidst the sea of people coming in and out of the sliding doors.

"Well, here were are," Ranma said, staring up at the large building. "Akane and Nabiki usually buy their clothes from here, so it ought to be a good place to look."

She was just about to walk inside when Ryuunosuke grabbed her by the arm, yanking her backwards.

Ranma whipped toward Ryu, growling "What'd ya do that..."

The words died on Ranma's lips as she saw the terrified expression on Ryu's face. Her grip was cold and clammy, her skin was stark white, and she was shivering noticeably; in short, Ryu was nearly petrified with fear.

"T-the hell's the matter with you?" Ryu gasped. "Don't you know what that place **is**?"

Confused beyond all manner of words, Ranma was only able to muster a blank stare in reply.

"Geez, you mean you don't know?" Ryu asked, exasperated. "It's a mall, for cryin' out loud! I remember my old man tellin' me about them..."

_Ten years ago..._

_"Daddy, what is that building?" a tiny Ryuunosuke asked. "Those girls going inside sure look happy. Is there candy in there?"_

_"No, my son. Hurry; let us leave this terrible place!" her father answered, pulling her away by the arm._

_Once they had put a fair amount of distance between them and the building, Mr. Fujinami sat Ryu down on his lap and said, "Now, listen closely, Ryuunosuke. That horrible building we just left is called a 'maul'. It is an awful place run by evil bandits. They lure boys and girls inside with toys, candy, and nice clothes, but once they get inside, they are robbed, beaten, and killed. Please, promise me you'll never go near that terrible place again."_

_"N-no, never!" Ryu shook her head violently._

_Present day..._

"And that's the story about malls," Ryu concluded. Noticing an enormous sweatdrop on the side of Ranma's face, she asked, "W-what? I'm right, aren't I?"

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Ranma said, "Your dad is really full of crap, did ya know that?

"You... you mean it ain't full of robbers?" Ryu asked, shocked.

"Ryu, I've been inside a mall dozens of times," Ranma told her flatly. "Do I look dead to you? It's nothing but a bunch of everyday, ordinary stores all packed together in one building."

Ryuunosuke's facial expression was a blank at first, but it quickly turned to one of seething anger.

"Anything to keep me from acting like a normal chick, eh, old man? GRRRRR...**The next time I see you, you're gonna get it**!" she roared, raising a fist toward the heavens.

Needless to say, this little outburst provoked quite a few puzzled stares. Realizing that everyone within 100 feet was staring at her, Ryu whirled around, snarling, "Whaddya think you're looking at?"

"Uh... well, 'live and learn' and all that, right?" Ranma said, chuckling nervously as the crowd melted away. Turning serious, she said, "All right, Ryu; enough time wasted. Let's get goin'."

"Right..." she mumbled, following Ranma through the glass doors. Once inside, Ryu could barely believe her eyes. In all her life, she had never seen so much for sale in one place. From the extravagant store displays to the crowds of well-to-do mall rats to riding on the escalator, all of it was new, different, and exciting to Ryuunosuke Fujinami. In fact, it was all she could do to tear herself away from it all in order to keep following Ranma. Finally, they reached their destination: a small, reasonably-priced clothing outlet called "Asami's Hot Styles".

"Okay, this is it," Ranma informed her as they stepped inside. "Oh, yeah! Before we get started, do you know what sizes of clothing you wear? In women's, I mean?"

Scratching her head in embarassment, Ryu whispered, "Eh... only in panties. Even Dad has enough sense to know that briefs would look pretty ridiculous on me."

"Um... yeah," Ranma replied, brushing aside the curious mental image. "Well then, since you don't know what sizes to look for, what are your measurements? That ought to give us something to work with."

"My... what?" Ryu asked, a blank expression on her face.

It took every last drop of Ranma's mental restraint to avoid a massive faceplant. Was this girl for real? One quick glance at Ryu's puzzled expression was enough to confirm that she indeed had no earthly idea what he was talking about. After a deep sigh, Ranma cupped her hand to Ryu's ear and whispered an explanation.

"Oh, t-that..." Ryu murmured, flushing red for a moment. "Sorry. 'Fraid I haven't the faintest clue what they are."

"Well, it can't be helped, I guess," Ranma said. Noticing Ryu's gloominess, she quickly assured her, "Hey, no biggie! It's nothing that can't be fixed. Stay here; I'll be right back."

As Ranma ran off to find a clerk, Ryu scanned the store and couldn't help but gawk at all of the fancy dresses and blouses on display. Her heart racing, she thought, "_I... I've been waiting my whole life for this day. Today, I'm really gonna do it! I'm finally gonna wear women's clothes!_"

"Hey! Ryu!" Ranma said, bringing Ryuunosuke back from la-la land. With a smirk, she held up a tape measurer and size chart.

"Let's hit the changing rooms, shall we?"

-------------------

Ranma was pacing back and forth in front of the changing room, stopping every now and again to cast an impatient glance at the door.

"Ryu, you almost done?" she called. "We've still got a lot of other stuff to do today!"

"Yeah, yeah; keep your shirt on!" Ryu answered. "Cut me some slack. I've never done this before, so I'm not exactly sure where you measure..."

Rolling her eyes, Ranma thought, "_For Pete's sake! Even I know that, and I'm a guy!_"

"It ain't that complicated," Ranma sighed as she absent-mindedly opened the door. "All you gotta do is--**EEP!**"

Ranma's blue eyes became wide as saucers as she realized that she had made a serious mistake. Ryu was standing topless in the middle of the changing room, the tape measurer draped over her shoulder. She quickly raised an arm to cover her exposed torso, dropping the tape measurer on the floor. Ryu's eyes narrowed in anger, and her free hand balled up into a fist.

Gulping loudly, Ranma stammered, "I-I-I didn't m-mean--"

"**GET OUT!**" Ryu bellowed, sending Ranma flying with a particularly nasty right hook.

After her brief flight, Ranma managed to skid to a stop just in time to avoid bowling over another customer.

"Heh, heh. Sorry 'bout that," she apologized, hopping to her feet and dusting herself off. Venturing cautiously back toward the changing room, she halted a few feet away from the door.

"Er... Ryu? Can I come in?" Ranma whispered cautiously, half-expecting to be bombarded by flying objects.

To her surprise, Ryu merely replied, "Yeah, come in."

Opening the door slowly, Ranma peeked inside just in time to see Ryu finish buttoning up her shirt.

Eyes on her shoes, Ranma mumbled, "Um... That is... Sorry 'bout that, Ryu. I wasn't thinking about what I was doing. It really was an accident, no fibs."

"Well, everyone makes mistakes," Ryu said off-handedly. "I'll consider that time a fluke. If it happens again, though..."

The "knife-across-the-neck" motion Ryu made finished her sentence for her. Sweating noticeably, Ranma said, "Trust me; I'll behave from now on. Hahaha!"

"See that ya do," Ryu retorted. "Now, what was it you were going to tell me a minute ago?"

"Oh, right," Ranma said, nodding. "Almost forgot."

To Ryu's surprise and discomfort, the well-endowed redhead began removing her shirt. Stepping backwards, Ryu demanded, "W-what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Showing you how to get your measurements," Ranma replied nonchalantly. "You said you didn't know how, right?"

Ryu gave a reluctant nod, then watched with slight embarassment as Ranma picked up the tape and demonstrated.

"See? For the bust, you go 'around chest, over nipple', just like the name says. Then you measure around the waist and do the same thing for the hip. Nothin' to it," she concluded.

Her job done, Ranma slipped her shirt back on, buttoned it, and was just about to go out the door when Ryu called out, "Hey, Ranma!"

Turning, she said, "Yeah?"

"... Grow a little feminine modesty, would ya?" Ryu muttered, blushing slightly.

Ranma just laughed. "Ain't any reason for a guy to have 'feminine modesty', Ryu. Come out as soon as you're done, okay?"

After she shut the door, Ryu mumbled under her breath, "Damn... his are bigger."

-------------------

Once Ryu was finished in the changing room, she and Ranma compared the numbers to the size chart and wrote the results down. Now that they finally knew what sizes to look for, Ranma and Ryuunosuke were ready to shop... or so they thought. Standing silently in the middle of the store, the two suddenly realized that there was one more obstacle they had to overcome.

"Uh... Ranma?" Ryu asked, sweatdropping. "What kind of clothes should we look for?"

"I... um... heh heh heh. Good question," Ranma replied, also sweatdropping.

"Wha... Whaddya mean, 'good question'?" Ryu shouted angrily. "You're supposed to be the expert here!"

"Shopping for women's clothing ain't my favorite pastime, all right?" Ranma spat back. "Just... gimme a second."

Closing his eyes, Ranma thought, "_Okay, man. This ain't that hard. Just try to ask yourself, 'What would Akane be drooling over if she were here?' After all, she might be a tomboy, but she does dress sharp._"

After concentrating for about thirty seconds, Ranma suddenly blurted out, "SALE! We need to look for a sale!"

"Okay, now we're gettin' somewhere!" Ryu exclaimed, relieved that Ranma's much-neglected feminine side was starting to pull through. Pointing, she said, "Over there! There's a big sign that says 'sale' near the corner. Let's go!"

Ryu was about to make a beeline to the sales section when Ranma grabbed her hand.

"Whoa, hold on just a second," she grunted, pulling Ryu backwards. "Let's have a plan. You go find a pair or two of girls' blue jeans, and I'll find a couple of blouses. Sound good?"

"Jeans?" Ryu whined, disappointed. "I thought we were going to buy a dress!"

"Sorry, but the ones here are way outta our price range," Ranma informed her. "Besides, you're gonna have enough to deal with in this 'womanhood training' without having to get used to a _completely_ new type of clothes. Girls' jeans fit differently than the ones guys wear, if it makes you feel any better."

"I guess so..." she sighed. "Okay, then; blue jeans it is."

With that settled, the two girls (sort of...) walked over to the sales section and began their search, Ryu browsing the jeans and Ranma inspecting the blouses. The heir to the Saotome school became so immersed in her job that she soon lost sight of Ryu. As she had acknowledged earlier, choosing a feminine wardrobe was not Ranma's strong point, so she had to concentrate especially hard in an effort to pick something that would look good on Ryu.

"Nah, too loud... too small... too big... too... **TRANSPARENT?**"

Ranma cracked up as she held the tiny blouse up to the light. Still giggling, she said, "Y'know, I'd love to see the look on Ryu's face if I handed her this! Better not, though. I already risked death once today in the changing room; there ain't no reason to tempt fate."

"Hey, Ranma! C'mere a sec, wouldja?" Ryu called. The pigtailed girl hastily hung the blouse back on the hanger and rushed over to the source of the voice. When Ranma rounded the corner, she found herself face to face with a rather annoyed-looking Ryuunosuke.

"_Uh, oh... What is she mad about now?_" Ranma thought nervously.

"Ranma, I think that size chart is bogus," she said.

"What do you mean?" the pigtailed girl asked, curious as to what the problem could be.

"Well, take a look," Ryu mumbled, tugging at her belt loop. "These things are supposed to be my size, but look how tight they are. If I so much as bend over, I think they'll pop!"

"Um, Ryu... Those are called 'hip-huggers'. They're supposed to fit like that," Ranma replied, sweatdropping.

"You mean someone would actually **want** to squeeze into something this tight?" Ryu asked, incredulous. Ranma gave an affirmative nod.

"Huh. Well, howsabout these?" she said, holding up another pair. "They're my size, too, but they're too short. See? They stop right above my ankles."

"Hahaha... that's a style, too," Ranma chuckled, pulling off an ultra-rare "double sweatdrop".

"Oh. Heh, heh. You don't say..." Ryu muttered, obviously embarassed. "I guess I still have a lot to learn about what girls like to wear. I **do** know one thing, though: this store oughta be closed down for trying to pass off used jeans as brand-new."

"Used? What makes you say that?" Ranma queried.

"Well, I don't know what else you'd call these..." Ryu muttered, gesturing at two mannequins behind her. "Some joker took a pair of scissors to this first one; look how much they're torn! As for the second, you know how jeans get faded in places that get rubbed often? Well... some girl must have had a really frisky boyfriend to get the bottom THAT faded."

"I just can't figure out why they would actually display such crappy clothes..." Ryu pondered, staring at the dummies. "What do you think, Ranma?"

Turning around, she saw that Ranma was grinning ear-to-ear, biting her bottom lip, and trying desperately to suppress a storm of giggles. Raising her eyebrows in disbelief, Ryu exclaimed, "Don't tell me that those are..."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ranma erupted into peals of laughter. Tears running down her face, she stammered, "I-I'm sorry; I'm not (_haha!_) trying to make f-fun of you or nothin'. It's just (_hahaha! cough! cough!_) I just n-never thought about it that way! Hahaha!"

Walking over and patting the red-faced Ryu on the back, she took a deep breath, smiled, and said, "Aw, don't feel bad. I can't figure out why girls like that stuff, either. Here, I'll help you find some normal jeans."

-------------------

"Well... whaddya think?" Ranma asked.

"Heh, heh. I like it!" Ryu beamed, staring down at her new slacks. "These fit a little tighter than what I'm used to, but they feel pretty good. They follow the curves and everything... I'll take 'em!"

"Okay! That's one thing accomplished..." Ranma murmured, grabbing two pairs. "Now, if you'll follow me for a sec, I'll show you two blouses I found that I think you might like."

Leaving "denim hell", Ranma led Ryu to where the afore-mentioned blouses were hanging. Both were nice, albeit plain: the first was short-sleeved and red and the second was long-sleeved and dark green. Not surprisingly, both met with immediate approval from the long-suffering cross-dresser. (The poor gal was so eager to try on women's clothing by this point that almost anything would have worked.) Upon getting to the checkout, however, Ryuunosuke received a rather rude shock...

"Let's see..." the cashier muttered, scanning the price tags. "Two blouses and two pairs of jeans, all on sale... that comes to a grand total of 3,000 yen."

"**3,000 yen? Are you yankin' my crank?**" Ryu screamed, looking like she was about to die of massive heart failure.

"N-no, ma'am!" the startled cashier replied. "That's the price, all right..."

Looking utterly defeated, Ryu turned toward Ranma and said, "Look, man... I appreciate your offer to pay for my new clothes, but we have to put some of it back. Even on sale, this stuff costs a freakin' fortune!" (_NOTE: At the time of this writing, 3,000 yen equals about 27 U.S. dollars_)

"Don't worry about it!" Ranma reassured her. "Yeah, it's kinda pricey, but I still have a fair amount left. Besides, we did pretty darn good to get all of these clothes for **this** cheap."

"_Well, I'll be... Who knew he was so rich?_" Ryu thought as she watched him fork over his hard-earned yen.

Within a few moments, Ranma and Ryuunosuke walked out of the store, bags in hand. Ranma was simply relieved to be leaving the clothing store; shopping was always an exercise in patience for the younger Saotome, and (in her mind) they couldn't have left a moment too soon. Ryu, on the other hand, was nearly beside herself with excitement at the prospect of trying on her new wardrobe.

"Whoohoo!" she crowed. "I can't believe that I finally got my hands on some women's duds! You have no idea how long I've been waitin' for this day, dude! Man, as soon as I get back to the tent, I'm tryin' on the jeans and the blouse and--"

Ryu suddenly halted in the middle of the mall, dropped her bag, and slapped her face.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Ranma asked, picking up her dropped bag.

"Dammit... Ranma, we forgot to buy a bra!" she growled. "The one thing I needed most, too..."

"We ain't buying one," Ranma flatly stated. "They weren't on sale, and I can't afford the regular price."

"Oh... I see..." Ryu sighed dejectedly.

Noticing Ryu's crestfallen expression, Ranma quickly added, "But that doesn't mean we're not getting one. Y'see, I know a place where you can have as many as you can carry, absolutely free!"

"F-f-free?" Ryu stammered excitedly. The last time she had tried to buy a brassiere, she had saved a full month and was still unable to afford one! Could there really be a place where they were free for the taking?

"Where?" she demanded, grabbing Ranma by the shoulders. "You wouldn't joke about somethin' like this, would you?"

"No, no joke at all," Ranma insisted. "As for where... uh... well, you'll see when we get there."

-------------------

_That morning in Tomobiki..._

"Akane! Wait up!" Shinobu panted, chasing after the swift tomboy. "_Does she run track or something?_"

"Huh? Oh, sorry!" Akane apologized, slowing down. "I just can't get used to being on time! At home, it seems like Ranma and I are always late."

"Ranma... that's your fiance, right?" Shinobu said. "You know, he sounds a _little_ cute. It's too bad that he's a machoistic, pig-headed, rude, stupid, half-perverted loser."

"Heh, heh..." Akane chuckled, sweatdropping. "Did I say all that?"

"Oh, yeah. That and about 3 minutes more of stuff I won't repeat in public," Shinobu remarked, amused. "Now, be honest: is he really _that_ bad?"

"Well... not always," Akane admitted. "Trust me when I say that he's a real exercise in patience, though. Have you caught your breath?"

Shinobu couldn't help but giggle. "Hahaha! You caught me! Yeah, I was stalling for time, but I'm ready now. Let's go."

"Ahem... 'Scuse me."

Turning around, Akane's eyes narrowed when she discovered that the voice belonged to Ataru Moroboshi. Upon receiving her death glare, he quickly averted his eyes (placing them instead on a group of female joggers who were passing by). However, the alien girl standing beside him wasn't about to let him weasel out of this.

"Darling!" Lum prodded him, physically directing his head toward Akane. "Isn't there something you wanted to say to her?"

"Um... nice weather we're having, isn't it?"

"**DARLING!**"

"Okay, okay!" he whimpered, pushing her sparking finger away from his face. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Look, I'm sorry about yesterday. Sakura said I really embarassed you, and I apologize. I didn't mean anything by it, and I'll be good from now on."

"Now, see there? You can be a nice guy when you put your mind to it," Shinobu said, beaming at him. "All you have to do is control your animal instinct. With a raging libido like yours, though, I can see how that would be hard."

"Shinobu! I knew you'd understand!" he yelled happily, glomping her.

_**WHAM!**_

"**Men be damned!**" Shinobu screeched as Ataru flew out of sight. Cupping her hands, she shouted after him, "You'll never change, will you, Ataru? It's stuff like **this** that made me break up with you in the first place!"

Realizing that he was probably out of earshot, she growled, "I've had enough of this. See you two at school."

"Shinobu, wait!" Akane called, but her tempermental compadre kept walking.

Lum shook her head. "You know, Shinobu says she's over Darling, but sometimes I wonder..."

"_Could it be?_" Akane wondered. "_That would explain her bad mood. Poor Shinobu... stuck on Happosai's teenaged equivalent! Still, we could be wrong..._"

"Oh, well... Hey, do you want to walk with me to school?" Lum asked, interrupting Akane's thoughts.

"Uh, sure," Akane replied. "But what about your boyfriend? Is he going to be okay?"

Elated at being called Ataru's girlfriend, the pretty Oni bubbled, "Oh, Darling is used to it! He'll probably be wating for us at school. By the way..."

"My name is Lum. Pleased to meet'cha!"

END OF CHAPTER 3

----------------------------------------------

Howdy. Sorry about taking, y'know, _a whole friggin' year_ to update (in direct violation of my promise at the bottom of chapter 2)! I really should learn to keep my big mouth shut when it comes to deadlines... I had actually given up writing this fic and planned on leaving it unfinished, but emails from several perturbed readers convinced me to give it another go. Just leave it on "story alert", and with any luck, I'll finish this sucker eventually.

Well, I hope everyone enjoyed this installment; please let me know via review. I wish you all a very merry Christmas!


	4. Clothes Make the Woman, Part 2

"_Okaaaay... **Now** I'm confused,_" Ryu thought as she stared at the all-too-familiar two story building.

"Ranma..." she began.

"Yeah?" the pigtailed girl replied.

"... this is your house."

As Ryu bluntly pointed out, Ranma had led them from the mall straight back to the Tendo residence. The pigtailed girl chuckled nervously, scratching her head.

"_Boy, this is awkward..._" Ranma thought as a sweatdrop rolled down her face. "_Oh, well. Just concentrate on the money you'll be saving, and it'll all be worth it._"

"You better not be plannin' some kind of raid on those girls' closets," Ryu grumbled sarcastically, "'cause if that's your plan, then you can count me out!"

"No, no; you've got me all wrong!" Ranma insisted. After cautiously glancing left and right, Ranma cupped her hands and whispered into Ryu's ear, "Okay, listen up 'cause I don't want to repeat this twice. There's an tiny old man named Happosai that lives in the attic of our house. He trained Pop and Mr. Tendo; some say he's the strongest martial arts master in the world. Whether that's true or not, he's **definitely** the world's biggest pervert! That little fart is a freak of nature, and his hobby is collectin' (or rather stealing) women's panties! He's got enough in there to start a chain of lingerie stores if he wanted to."

Ryu let out a gasp of surprise. Like most in the greater Tokyo area, she had heard rumors of a legendary, pint-sized thief who prowled the night in search of undies. Could this old man really be Nerima's legendary "Bra Bandito"?

"Anyway, I think you catch my drift," Ranma concluded. "You can take as many bras from the freak's stash as you want and not have to pay a single yen for them. After all, it ain't really stealing because they weren't his to begin with."

A confident smirk played across Ryu's lips as she nodded in agreement. "Kind of like 'robbing a robber', huh? Fine by me! Let's put the hurt on that lecher!"

"I'm afraid it ain't that simple," Ranma told her, frowning. "Like I said a minute ago, the freak is unbelievably strong and fast, and nothing gets him madder than someone threatening his precious 'collection'. If he's not home, then there's no problem; we can just waltz right in there and take what we need. But if he **is** home, then we're gonna have to use strategy..."

Ranma stared at the house for a moment in thought. As her eyes darted from the roof to the window, the proverbial "lightbulb above the head" came on.

"Ryu..." she said slowly. "I think I've got a plan..."

-------------------

"_Please don't let him be home, please don't let him be home, please don't let him be home..._" Ranma thought over and over again as she scaled the steps leading toward the attic.

Upon reaching the end of the stairs, she nervously gripped the doorhandle. "_I really don't wanna deal with his crap today. Just get in, get out, and everything will be all r--_"

"Ranma, m'dear! What brings you here?"

"Urk!" Ranma choked as she felt the lecherous midget attach himself to her posterior.

"GET OFF ME!" she roared, whirling around and pounding Happosai into the floor. Sadly, the bizarre old cretin quickly recovered.

"Now, is that any way to treat a helpless old man?" he whimpered, stepping out of the tiny crater. An evil gleam suddenly appeared in his eye. "Someone ought to teach you some manners..."

"_Uh, oh!_" Ranma thought nervously. "_Looks like it's time to initiate Plan B!_"

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Ranma cooed, catching Happosai off-guard. "After all, you always said you wanted to see me in a bra."

"W-**WHAT?**" Happosai blurted, unable to believe his ears. Had his most rebellious pupil finally seen the light?

"And I soooo wanted one," Ranma sighed. "I always feel so sore after running or fighting, and I thought that maybe you might... But, since you don't seem inclined to share..."

Ranma turned to leave but quickly found her path blocked by a much happier Happy. Wringing his hands excitedly, he exclaimed, "Now who said anything about not sharing? Why, I'd be glad to help you find a bra... on one condition."

"And that is?" Ranma queried, already having a sneaking suspicion of what the answer would be.

"Would you... model it for me?" Happosai begged, his teary eyes filled with anticipation.

Biting back the urge to puke, Ranma sweetly replied, "Why, of course! It's the least I can do!"

"**HOOOOOOOOOOORRRRAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!**" Happosai bellowed, springing a full seven feet upward. He began running circles around Ranma, screaming, "**Oh, happy day! For joy! For joy!**"

Finally coming to a halt, he smiled up at Ranma with a perverted grin that made her hair stand on end. He opened the attic door for her, politely bowing. "Ladies first!"

Once Ranma and Happy were both inside, he shut and locked the door. Noticing the look of panic on Ranma's face, he explained, "Oh, don't worry about that. I just don't want any prying eyes to learn the location of my secret stash."

"Your... what?" Ranma asked, bewildered. Pointing at the piles of underwear lining the room, she blurted, "You mean that there's more than this?"

"Heh, heh. Feast your eyes on **this**!" Happosai exclaimed, pulling what looked like a garage door opener out of his pocket. The moment he pressed the button, Ranma heard a whirring sound coming from behind her. Turning around, she was shocked to see a section of the back wall slide to the left, revealing a hidden door.

"W-what the... How long has that been there?" she breathed, her jaw dropping in astonishment.

Happosai beamed proudly as she walked over to inspect the cleverly concealed portal. He replied, "Two months; I had it installed while you were all on vacation. I wanted to make sure that my collection was safe from thieves."

"_Like you?_" Ranma thought, giving him an annoyed glance. Remembering her mission, she quickly switched back to her "nice" persona. "Well, Gramps, let's see what you have in there!"

"Sure thing, m'dear! You're in for a treat; this is where I keep 'the best of the best' of my collection," he informed her as he opened the door. Stepping inside, Ranma sweatdropped as she surveyed the room. It was full of treasure chests labeled in letters from "A" to "F", all lined up in rows. She also noticed a large, square window on the eastern wall which was bathing the room in sunlight.

"_Aha! There it is!_" Ranma thought, relieved. "_No wonder I never noticed that window from the inside before... Now if I can just ditch the freak..._"

Smiling sweetly at Happosai, she said, "Gramps, would you mind stepping out for a minute while I look around?"

"Well, I suppose..." he muttered, looking disappointed. "Just don't forget to model it for me, all right?"

"Oh, sure, sure!" she assured him. "As soon as I find one that suits me, I'll be sure to strut my stuff for you."

"Fine, then!" he exclaimed, rubbing his hands greedily. "As you can see, they're all labeled by cup size, so you shouldn't have any trouble finding what you want. I'll be waiting right outside, so don't take long, okay?"

"Okay!" Ranma said, smiling as he walked out the door. As soon as he was gone, Ranma developed a noticeable twitch in her left eye. Muttering under her breath, she growled, "Over my dead body, you old pervert..."

She dashed over to the chest marked "C", opened it, and began rifling through the contents. Ranma knew that time was of the essence; with Happosai waiting eagerly outside, she didn't have a moment to lose.

"_Okay, the size chart said that Ryu needs a C-cup..._" she thought as she looked through the pile of silky garments. After about four minutes of searching, she had found a small bundle of bras that were the correct size. Placing them next to the treasure chest, she was about to look for more when she heard a voice that made her hair stand on end.

"Ranma! How much longer are you going to look?" Happosai called out impatiently through the door. As a hopeful sidenote, he added, "Do you want me to help you find something?"

"N-no, old man, that's okay!" Ranma nervously stammered. "I'm almost done; just give me one more minute."

"_Man, I hope Ryu doesn't mess this up!_" Ranma nervously thought as she made a beeline for the window. Sliding it open, she hissed, "Hey, Ryu! Ryu!"

All of the sudden the afore-mentioned girl appeared at the window, hanging upside down. As planned, she had waited on the roof for Ranma to give the signal. Once she heard it, she had swung downward, still hanging on to the edge of the roof by her feet.

"Did you find it? Well?" Ryu asked hurriedly.

"Yeah, several of 'em!" Ranma said, holding up the brassieres. "Now let's get out of here!"

"What's going on in there? Who are you talking to?" Happosai demanded. "That's it; I'm coming in!"

"No, don't!" Ranma shouted, panicked. "I'm not decent!"

Too late, Ranma realized that she had said the WRONG thing. Luckily, Ryu had already set their escape in motion. She hastily grabbed Ranma by the arms, pulled her out the window, and, with a mighty heave, swung both of them back up to the roof. It wasn't a moment too soon, as Happosai (in a moment of perverted fervor) knocked the door off its hinges and rushed inside.

"I'm sorry; didn't hear that last part!" he lied, his eyes still closed. When he opened them, instead of seeing the vision of (topless) beauty he had been hoping for, he found the room totally empty.

"Wha--? Where?" he whimpered, horribly disappointed. Seeing the open window, he realized with a sinking feeling that his caged bird had flown the coop. Happosai then noticed a folded piece of paper lying on the floor.

"Eh? What's this?" he asked, picking it up. Unfolding it, he saw a crudely drawn picture of a Ranma in a bra and these words:

"SORRY I COULDN'T STAY, FREAK, BUT PUTTING ON A PEEP SHOW FOR YOU WASN'T HIGH ON MY LIST OF PRIORITIES. THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT!"

"Grr... How dare he? Not only does he go and break his promise, but then he taunts me with bad puns!" Happosai fumed. "Why, when I catch him, I'll--! Wait just a second..."

A thoughtful expression on his face, Happosai walked over to where the "C" and "D" treasure chests lay. He immediately noticed that the "D" chest hadn't been tampered with at all, but the "C" chest had been left partially open. Opening the "C" chest, he quickly inventoried it with a precision born of years of practised perversion. (Say that ten times fast!)

"Looks like I'm missing three..." he muttered, closing the lid. Leaning against the chest, he muttered, "Now, I'm almost sure that Ranma would take a D-cup. That lovely bosom of hers would find even a high 'C' a tight fit, so why would she take those?"

A spark of realization suddenly appeared in Happosai's eye. "Unless, of course, he was getting them for someone else. Ranma, m'boy, what ARE you up to?"

Chuckling evilly, he thought, "This warrants some investigating. If I play my cards right, I might be able to pull off a revenge for the history books."

"BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

The old fart's maniacal laughter echoed throughout the house, giving everyone (especially Genma and Soun) cold chills.

-------------------

Meanwhile, Ranma and Ryuunosuke were catching their breath on the roof.

"Whew!" Ryu panted. "We really cut it close in there, didn't we?"

"Yeah, but we got what we came for," Ranma said, managing a weak smile. Handing Ryu the bras, she said, "These are for you."

Ryu reached slowly for the undergarments, almost as if she was afraid they would bite, but once they were in her hands a smile the likes of which Ranma had rarely seen came over her face.

"_Heh... The way she's smiling, you'd think I handed her a pile of diamonds_," Ranma thought, unable to resist smiling in turn. "_I haven't seen anyone that happy since... heck, since I looked in a mirror after finally getting the Phoenix Pill. It pretty much makes that close shave with the old freak worth it..._"

At that moment, the teenaged gender-bender noticed that Ryu's eyes were moist. "Hey, Ryu... you okay?"

Hurriedly wiping the tear on her sleeve, Ryu softly chuckled and said, "Never better, man. I just... Ranma, I want to thank you. You have no idea how long I..."

"Sixteen years, right?" Ranma quipped, interrupting her. "By the way, you're welcome."

"Hahaha! Yeah, I guess I'm a bit of a broken record on this subject. Sorry 'bout that!" Ryu said sheepishly.

"Hey, no biggie," Ranma replied, waving it off. "I'm glad to help; besides, it's about time that freak got a taste of his own medicine. Now, you wanna change into your new clothes now, or..."

As if he even needed to ask...

-------------------

"Here we are. This is Akane's room," Ranma informed her as they stepped inside. "As you know, she's gone for a while, so you can change in here. I doubt that she'd mind, regardless."

Ryu glanced around the room approvingly. The room wasn't all that unusual, consisting mainly of a bed, a desk, a dresser, a window with a view of the back yard, and a bulletin board with pictures of Akane's friends and family on it. This was exactly the kind of room Ryu herself had always wanted if her dad ever moved into a house that was big enough. Just then, a framed photo sitting on the desk caught her attention. It showed a smiling girl with short hair standing next to the other two Tendo sister who Ryu had already met.

"This must be Akane," she mumbled, picking up the photo for a closer look. After staring thoughtfully at it for a moment, she asked, "Say, Ranma... if you don't mind my asking, what's your relation to the Tendos, anyway?"

The question seemed to catch Ranma off-guard. Twiddling her thumbs, she murmured, "Uh... whaddya mean?"

"It's just that I was wondering why you're living here," Ryu replied, placing the picture back on the desk. "I mean, you have a different last name and all. Are they your cousins or somethin'?"

"Well," Ranma began, a hint of frustration in her voice, "to tell the truth, I'm engaged to one of the Tendo girls. Akane, actually..."

"Hahaha! No kidding? Ranma, you sly dog! I heard you were a hit with the ladies!" she joked, elbowing him/her in the ribs. "So, how long did you two date?"

"We didn't!" Ranma shouted (a little louder than she meant to). Embarassed, she quietly explained, "Our parents decided. Both the Tendos and the Saotomes practice a style of the martial arts called the 'Anything Goes School of Indiscriminate Grappling', and our dads decided that the two families oughtta be joined. So here I am, stuck with that uncute tomboy for a future bride."

"Uncute?" Ryu asked, surprised. Taking another look at the photo, she said, "I dunno. She looks pretty to me. Then again..."

Her thoughts turned to a number of the gorgeous alien girls Ataru always seemed to attract, and she remembered how loud, obnoxious, and gratuitiously violent they could become when angered.

"Then again, you never know," Ryu concluded. "What's the matter with her, anyhoo?"

"Feh. You want I should make a list?" Ranma grumbled. "If you want one single thing, though, it's that she has a really nasty temper, and when she gets mad, I get hurt."

"Huh. That's too bad. Well, you have my sympathy, man," Ryu said, shrugging her shoulders.

For a minute, the two just stood there. Finally, Ranma stretched and grunted, "Well, I'm sure you want to try on those clothes, right? I'm gonna go downstairs for some hot water; I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Sure; come back when you get done," Ryuunosuke said. "It'll only take me a second to get dressed."

After watching Ranma go out the door, she walked over and locked it. Turning around, she leaned against the door, took a deep breath, and screamed, "FINALLY! IN YOUR FACE, OLD MAN!"

Without further ado, she quickly shed her masculine garb and began trying on her new (and decidedly more feminine) clothes.

-------------------

"Knock, knock! You decent?" Ranma asked, standing outside the door to Akane's room. Ever since that morning, he had become nearly phobic about forgetting to announce himself before entering.

"Yeah, all dressed up and ready to rock!" came the excited reply.

As Ranma gripped the door handle and slowly began to open it, he thought, "Man, I hope those clothes did the trick. I mean, I know she's good looking, but so far only girls have noticed. If she can pass for a guy, then... Wow!"

Ranma instantly recognized the girl before him as Ryuunosuke, but he could still barely believe what he was seeing. Instead of the boyishly-handsome "man" he had left 3 minutes ago, he found himself face to face with a gorgeous woman! Ranma quickly decided that he had done a damned good job picking out wardrobe. The blouse and jeans Ryu wore outlined nicely outlined her hitherto-invisible curves even better than he had hoped. He couldn't help but be struck by how big a difference her masculine clothes and chest wrap had made in making this girl seem "handsome" rather than "beautful."

"I leave a he-man and come back to a bombshell! Damn... I guess clothes really do make the woman..." he thought, fighting the desire to rub his eyes and pull a double-take.

"Uh... well... whaddya think?" Ryu nervously asked. From that wide-eyed, jaw-agape look on Ranma's face, she knew that the verdict was either really good or really bad.

"I think... that we have a winner!" Ranma exclaimed, giving her a big thumbs-up.

"Y-you really mean it?" Ryu asked, overjoyed. "Yes! I didn't know how all this stuff was supposed to fit, so I wasn't sure if it looked good on me or not."

"Are you kidding?" Ranma laughed, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You're a real babe! Cute, even!"

"C-c-cute?" Ryu stammered, shocked. "You're talking about me?"

"Sure!" Ranma replied. "Real cute! With that getup, you'll be breakin' hearts in no time!"

Ryu's face turned beet red at that last statement. "W-what? Quit bein' nasty!"

POW!!!

Ranma never even saw the punch coming. One moment he was watching Ryu get flustered, and the next he was staring at her upside down from a crater in the opposite wall.

"Oh, shit..." Ryu gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. "I-I'm sorry, dude. I didn't mean to paste you like that; you just got me embarassed. You okay?"

"I'll live..." he rasped, falling out of the crater and onto the floor.

It just hit Ranma, both literally and figureatively, that (despite her more womanly appearance) Ryuunosuke Fujinami still had a loooooong way to go before she could be considered a lady.

-------------------

That afternoon in Tomobiki...

"Well, Ms. Tendo, what do you think of my garden? And you, Ms. Shinobu... I trust it is still to your liking?"

"Oh, of course, Shuutaro!" Shinobu quickly replied. "It gets prettier each time I visit!"

"It's... it's gorgeous!" Akane murmured, awed by the beautiful scenery. Stretching out for at least a half-kilometer in every direction, the garden of the Mendo family was something the likes of which Akane had previously seen only in magazines. There were groves of cherry trees, rock gardens arranged in the Zen style, meticulously tended banzai trees, numerous koi ponds of all sizes dotting the landscape, and every spare inch not taken up by the preceding plants and decorations was covered in lush grass that looked like it had never heard of the word "drought".

"Just beautiful... and to think that I almost passed this up!" Akane thought, marvelling the ancient cedar the three were taking a picnic under.

In fact, when Shuutaro Mendo invited her to visit his home after school, her first instinct was to give a very firm "no". All of the girls in her class were crazy about Mendo, sure, but... there was something indefinable about him that she didn't like. Maybe it was the slicked-back hair, maybe it was the fact that he always said just the right thing to make a girl's heart thump, maybe it was her general aversion to sword-wielding rich guys... Regardless, Akane had a gut feeling that underneath all of his wealth and breeding, Mendo was just as much a pervert as that weirdo Moroboshi.

Luckily for her, she didn't even get the chance to answer. The moment Mendo gave the invitation, Shinobu had popped up right behind her with a cry of "Sure, we'd love to!" Akane intended to object, but the death-glare from her friend made the words die on her lips. She then remembered spotting a picture of Mendo lying on Shinobu's dresser last night, and a smile of understanding crossed her lips. Shinobu must have a crush on this guy! For her sake, Akane decided to agree to the excursion, but she soon found herself enjoying the picnic just as much as her friend.

"_Maybe I was wrong about this guy,_" Akane thought, taking a bite from her sandwich. "_He seems nice enough. In fact, he's been nothing but a gentleman so far._"

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourselves, ladies," Mendo said, flashing a flawless smile. "This garden takes quite a bit to upkeep, but I believe that it's worth the money. After all, you can put no price on beauty."

"Still, it must cost a fortune," Akane said, watching as several servants began trimming hedges in the distance. "I mean, with all of these servants, and watering, and..."

"Heh. 'Tis a mere trifle for the wealth of the Mendo family," the young heir remarked proudly.

"He really isn't kidding. The Mendos are the wealthiest family in all of Japan," Shinobu added, sipping her tea.

"You don't say?" Akane replied, a gleam of curiosity in her eyes. "In that case, you might know a friend of mine. He belongs to one of Japan's wealthiest families, too."

"I would probably know him, then. After all, I must keep track of all of my family's potential rivals. Tell me, what is your friend's name?" Mendo asked, intrigued.

"Kuno; Tatewaki Kuno," she answered. "Ring any bells?"

To her surprise, Mendo's hand went straight for the samurai sword at his side! Both girls gave a scream and jumped back as the young multi-billionaire drew his sword, his face contorting with rage.

"Did... you... say... Tatewaki Kuno?" he thundered, obviously trying to control himself.

After taking a nervous gulp, Akane squeaked, "Uh... y-yeah. That's him."

"_Wow! Normally, only Ataru can get Shuutaro this worked up, and that's only on bad days_!" Shinobu thought as she watched her would-be-beau shake with rage.

Straightening her posture, she demanded, "Shuutaro, what's wrong? What did this 'Kuno' guy do to get you so angry?"

Mendo's eyes widened as a look of surprise came over his face. Acting as if he had just awoken from a dream, he muttered, "I... I'm terribly sorry, ladies. It's just that... Tatewaki and I have a long, strained history."

Mendo sheathed his sword and sat back down, prompting his female companions to draw closer. Sighing, he explained, "Ms. Shinobu, as you are well-aware, the Mendo and Mizunokoji families have a long-standing rivalry which I carry on with Tobimaro to this day. However, my rivalry with Ton-chan is a friendly one; despite our constant struggle for superiority, we are actually good friends. My family's relationship with the Kunos, however, is quite different."

"For starters, the Mendos and Mizunokojis, the number one and two in Japan, are of noble lineage. My family is descended from the samurai caste, and the Mizunokojis trace their ancestry to Japan's nobility. The Kunos, currently number three, were originally a band of shinobi, or ninjas, who rose to power during the Meji era. They took advantage of the tumultous times to seize the land and wealth of much of the nobility in Kanto. Dirty rotten thieves..."

"Look, could you get to the point?" Akane snapped with more than a hint of irritation. "This is all very interesting, but what makes you hate the particular Kuno I know so much?"

"Erm... I was getting to that," Mendo mumbled apologetically. "As I was saying, our families have intensely disliked one another for years. Therefore, when I heard that the current heir to the Kuno fortune was entering a local kendo competition, I felt that it would be a great opportunity to show off... er... to uphold the family honor by defeating him."

"Let me guess..." Akane chuckled, smirking mischeviously. "You entered and he mowed you down like an overgrown lawn, right?"

"Akane!" Shinobu hissed, scowling at her friend.

"No, don't be angry with her," Mendo muttered, hanging his head in shame. "It is exactly as she described. He humiliated me in front of my family, my rivals, and the public at large."

The young swordsman looked up, a mix of anger and frustration written all over his face. "I still can't believe that such a bufoon could have such amazing prowess with the sword! Losing to such a braggart is shameful in the extreme!"

"Don't let it bother you," Akane advised him. "Trust me, Kuno might be an idiot, but you're hardly the first good swordsman that he's managed to defeat. My advice is just forget the whole thing, and look on the bright side: at least you're a lot smarter than he is!"

"Yes... yes, you are entirely right, Ms. Tendo," he replied, smiling softly at her. "I shall not let it bother me anymore."

Before anyone could utter another word, however, the sound of someone running with wooden sandals reached their ears, followed shortly by an old man's voice.

"You there! Yes, you! Girl! I must speak with you!"

"That annoying voice..." Shinobu said with a shudder. "Please tell me it isn't..."

Sure enough, the form of a wizened little man in a priest's uniform was seen coming down the path, running just as fast as his stubby legs would carry him. To Akane's confusion, Shinobu paled considerably and a look of disgust crossed Mendo's face.

"Cherry? Curse that abomination of a monk!" Mendo growled. "I'll not have him ruin our rendevous. Men, dispose of him!"

Akane gasped involuntarily as a horde of men in black suits and shades swarmed from every tree, bush, and crevice in the general area. They quickly tackled the strange little man and began hauling him away.

He struggled vainly against them, shrieking, "But I tell you I must speak with that young girl! She is in terrible danger! Can't you see how ominous--"

"Shut up, old man!" one shouted, bonking him on the head. "You heard the young master; get out!"

As Cherry was dragged away, Akane stared after him. Once he was finally out of sight, she turned and asked her companions, "What was that all about? Why are you both so scared of that little man? Your guards treated him pretty rough..."

"Akane, sweety, you don't know what you're saying," Shinobu said, releasing a breath she didn't realize she was holding. "If you'd only known him as long as we have..."

"She speaks the truth, Ms. Tendo," Mendo assured her. "That old man is nothing but trouble, a sorrow to all who know him. If you are wise, you'll steer clear of him."

"O-okay..." she muttered. Akane decided to take their word for it. After all, in her experience, tiny bald men could be a real pain.

-------------------

Crawling out of the dumpster where the guards had tossed him, Cherry mumbled under his breath, "Such angry young men. At this rate, they will never escape the cycle of reincarnation. Ah, well. May Buddha have mercy upon them."

"All the same, it will take more than that to deter me. She must be warned, before it's too late..."

END OF CHAPTER 4

----------------------------------------------

Okay, another chapter down! I hope you enjoyed it; be sure to leave a review and let me know your comments, complaints, random utterances, and so forth.

**ALSO:** Folks, I need your help on an aspect of this story that's starting to give me a headache. I have most of the story figured out, but I'm drawing a near-blank on the type of training Ranma should use to use to train Ryu on how to be a lady. I _do_ have a few ideas, but I need more that what I have right now (and _better_ ideas wouldn't hurt either, haha). So, if any of you have some good ideas, please PM me and let me know. **I'd really prefer it if you'd message me rather than leave it in a review so it can be a surprise to other readers.** Thanks in advance!


	5. Oh, the Tangled Web We Weave

_Later that afternoon..._

Ranma and Ryunosuke sat across the table from one another in the room that opened up to the back yard. Although it was getting late and the rays of sunlight were steadily growing dimmer, neither of them bothered to get up and switch on the overhead light. They occasionally heard the wind chime ring, and somewhat less often a splash came from the koi pond. Ranma gingerly popped his back, still not fully recovered from Ryu's embarrassment-motivated pounding from earlier. He glanced down at the notebook he held in his hand and stifled a yawn. Ryu looked equally bored; she stared into space and absent-mindedly crunched on a cookie.

After echoing Ranma's yawn, Ryu finally broke the silence by impatiently asking, "Hey, man... you almost through with those notes?"

This snapped Ranma back to attention; he hastily replied, "Uh, yeah, pretty close. Give me just a little while longer, okay? I need to tie everything together."

"_Geez, I've worked myself into a hole with these stupid notes,_" he thought glumly. "_Why is she staying so long, anyway? I keep thinking she'll get bored and go home, but she acts like she isn't going anywhere..._"

Ranma's so-called "notes" were actually nothing more than a stalling tactic. Once Ranma had been revived from his punch-instigated dilireum and Ryu had apologized once again, she eagerly asked him what the next phase of the training would be. This had taken the pigtailed boy by surprise. He had expected clothes shopping to take all day, and other than making Ryu _look_ like a lady, Ranma honestly didn't have a clue yet about how to proceed with the training. So, in a moment of haste, he lied and said that the rest of the day would consist in careful observation of the way she behaved so he would know what needed work. That was at 3 p.m., and it was now 7 p.m. Ranma had made all of the useful observations he could make in the first 30 minutes, and he was having to become more and more inventive to placate her growing impatience to see what he had written.

Just then, Kasumi popped in and said, "Excuse me, you two, but I could really use some help in the kitchen. Since Nabiki isn't home yet, would you mind giving me a hand?"

Ranma breathed a small sigh of relief; for the moment, at least, he could relax. Ryu seemed just as relieved as he was to finally have something to do, so the two sprang up and followed Kasumi to the kitchen.

-------------------

"_My, my!_" Kasumi thought, watching her assistants chop vegetables and prepare rice. "_You wouldn't think it to look at them, but those two are actually very good kitchen help. If they ever decide to give up martial arts, they would make excellent caterers. Tee hee!_"

She wasn't kidding; Ranma and Ryunosuke were pulling moves that "Iron Chef" contestants would envy. Kasumi was preparing a stir-fry dinner, and she put Ranma in charge of handling the veggies and Ryu in charge of frying a side dish of rice. Ranma combined the speed of his Chestnut Fist with the precision of the Parlet de Fois Gras to rinse, chop, and place the veggies in the pan at ridiculous speeds. Meanwhile, Ryu was putting her many years of training, both in the martial arts and in the fast food business, to good use. She kept rotating a huge amount (Tendo and Saotome family-sized portion) of rice by tossing it in the air from one pan to another, and so far she hadn't spilled a single grain. Before long, the meal was all but finished, and all that remained was to set the table.

"Ryunosuke, would you please set the plates?" Kasumi asked. Turning to her more permanent guest, she said, "Ranma, be a dear and help me with this second pan of stir-fry."

They both went about their appointed tasks. Ryu grabbed a stack of plates and went to the dining room, but as she set the plates, something lying on the table caught her eye.

"Hey... Ranma's notebook," she murmured. A mischievous grin crept across her face, and she thought, "_Hmm... I know he said he wasn't finished, but screw that. I'm curious, and besides, he's had plenty of time._"

Casting a furtive glance back toward the kitchen to make sure he wasn't coming, she picked it up and began reading. What was on the paper is as follows:

_SUBJECT: Ryonusuke Fujinumi... no, wait, Fujinami._

_WHAT'S GIRLY: She looks like a girl._

_She is a girl._

_She's nice, even if she is an even bigger tomboy than Akane._

_... I guess that's all._

_WHAT ISN'T GIRLY:Terrible posture_

_Eats like a pig_

_Kinda stupid_

_About as charming as a hobo and patient as a charging bull._

_She's a thug and a lunatic._

_When's this chick gonna go home? I'm tired of writing this crap. If have known she was going to be this much of a headache, I don't think I would have volunteered for this. Go home, Ryu... gooooooooooo hooooooommmee. Away from here. Back to da tent. Shoo! Ah, thank goodness, here comes Kasumi... I don't know how much more of this pest I can take today._

Ryu's face darkened as she read down the page, and by the time she reached the end, she was downright livid. She had been patiently waiting for hours for _this_? Ranma, with his usual impeccable timing, took this particular moment to enter the room.

"Hey, Ryu, got that table set yet?" he asked, her back to him. "We're about ready to bring in the food. Hey, what's up? You're shaking; you cold or something?"

She slowly turned around, and Ranma took a nervous step back when he saw his pupil's face. She was giving him a glare that could cut iron, her teeth were grit, she was turning red from rage, and if she were putting off any more battle aura, he was pretty sure that the furniture would combust. At first he couldn't imagine what he had done, but upon glancing at her hand and seeing a certain notebook crushed to pulp, he got a pretty good idea.

"Saaaaooottttoooommeeee! You friggin' bastard! You kept me waiting the whole damn afternoon for _this_ crap?" she shouted, throwing the notebook and hitting him in the forehead with it. "I may not be the most feminine chick around, I maybe even the _least_ feminine chick around, but why the hell do you think I'm asking for help? Friggin' jerk!"

With that, she launched a right hook at the pigtailed boy, but to her great surprise, he caught it midair with seemingly no effort. She was also taken aback to find him giving her a glare that rivaled her own. Ranma had been dancing on eggshells around this violent girl all day, and he had absolutely had it with her overactive temper.

"Ryu..." Ranma said in a calm but obviously strained voice, "I think you should take a little time... to cool off!"

Moving with surprising swiftness, he used his hold on Ryu's arm to lift her into the air and throw her out the door. Twist and turn in midair how she might, there is only so much one can do to alter one's trajectory once in the air, and Ryu wound up landing directly in Ranma's intended target: the middle of the koi pond.

Ranma stepped outside as the sputtering girl rose to the surface of the water. He shouted, "Get that nutcase temper of yours in control, you hear me? I'm used to violent tomboys, but you're a maniac! The way you fly off the handle, you'd think you had more testosterone than every guy in Furinkan combined! Helping you is one thing, and being a gentleman is one thing, but I'm nobody's doormat, understand? Nobody's!"

Ryunosuke wiped the water from her face and looked bitterly at her soaking-wet new clothes; for all she knew, they might have just been ruined. Whirling to face Ranma, she growled, "Shut the hell up. I do what I damn well please, and if that means treating you like a doormat, **you'd better get used me wiping my shoes on your face!**"

With that, she sprang out of the water, shooting seven feet forward and pouncing on the surprised Ranma like a panther. The two starting rolling on the ground, both trying to out-wrestle the other.

"Psycho tomboy!"

"Gender-bending freak of nature!"

"Cross-dresser!"

"Look who's talking!"

"She-male!"

"Hermaprodine!"

"That's hermaphrodite, retard!"

"Shut the hell up!"

The battle was suddenly interrupted by a woman's scream and the sound of breaking porcelain. Both stopped mid-action, Ranma gripping Ryu's collar and Ryu pulling Ranma's pigtail, as they turned to see Kasumi covering her mouth with her hand, a broken plate lying at her feet.

"Ranma! What are you doing? Ryu is your guest," she protested, "and you shouldn't fight girls! And Ryu, you're acting terribly unladylike! Girls shouldn't hit boys, either!"

While Kasumi's words had cooled their tempers somewhat, neither the pigtailed boy or the short-haired girl had any intentions of letting the other off the hook.

"Ryu here ain't acting like much of a guest," Ranma spat at his opponent, "and she sure as heck isn't much of a girl."

"And you're not much of a man, either!" she angrily retorted. "Manners are wasted on a jerk like Ranma."

To their surprise, they found themselves being lifted off the ground by someone; looking up, they discovered it to be a rather annoyed-looking Soun.

"M-Mr. Tendo? What are you doing?" Ranma asked.

Soun raised a twitching eyebrow and said, "Ranma, you know I don't approve of a man attacking a woman, even if it's strictly in the spirit of a friendly martial arts match, but since you two seem so determined to fight... at least take it out of my yard!"

The two glanced around at the back yard and sheepishly noted many overturned decorations and stones around the pond that had been moved from their place.

Soun leaned down and whispered in Ranma's ear, "You do know, son, that we have a nice, shiny dojo over there that's much, much nicer to fight in than a back yard..."

"Ah... gotcha," Ranma said, winking at him. Quickly turning serious again, he pointed a finger in Ryu's face and exclaimed, "Ryunosuke Fujinami, I challenge you to a fight! Are you man... woman... (whatever), enough to accept?"

Slapping the finger away, she said, "Darn tootin' I am. I'll meet you in the dojo in five minutes. I want to change back into my old clothes first... simply wouldn't do to get _your_ blood all over my blouse."

"Dream on," he muttered. "Like I said, five minutes. Be there."

With that, they each stalked off in separate directions. Kasumi started to say something to her father, but he cut her off.

He said, "I know how you feel, Kasumi. I wish they wouldn't fight, too, but sometimes the only way for two people to make peace is to work out their anger, and in the case of those two, the only way they know how to do that is with their fists. It's the way of the martial artist, like it or not."

"I see," she said with a sigh. "Well, I guess I'll get the band-aids ready..."

-------------------

Roughly five minutes later, Ryu entered the dojo and slammed the door. She had changed into her boy's clothes and wore the shirt that her father had embroidered the word "man" onto... she didn't particularly care if it got torn up or dirty. Ranma sat cross-legged in the floor. He had changed into his girl form but had on the same short-sleeved Chinese-style shirt as before.

"Getting girly right before a fight, eh?" Ryu said with a smirk. "You may live to regret that decision."

Ranma wasn't bothered by the comment, merely replying, "I don't fight girls as a rule, but on the rare occasions that I do, I figure it's only fair to even the playing field. Besides, it's not like I'll need my full strength to beat you."

The matter-of-fact way that he said that last part reignited Ryu's formidable temper. She growled, "Think so? We'll see if you still of the same opinion when you're picking up your teeth a few minutes from now."

Ranma rose to her feet and said, "We can stand here trash-talking all night, or we can fight and settle this once and for all. You ready?"

Ryu narrowed her eyes and said, "Oh, yeah..."

The two each adopted a fighting stance, but neither immediately made a move, instead taking a last-minute opportunity to size up their opponent and plan a strategy. Finally, Ryu broke the standoff by rushing toward Ranma with a wild cry.

"_Figures that that hothead would pull something reckless,_" Ranma thought, getting ready to dodge her attack. When the blow came, however, the pigtailed fighter was taken by surprise by its remarkable speed and force; lacking the time to dodge, she was forced to stand still and block.

Ryu saw the look of surprise on Ranma's face and grinned; she knew she had caught him off-guard. Giving Ranma no breathing room, she let loose a volley of punches. This time found Ranma better-prepared, however, and she was able to dodge or parry most of Ryu's attacks.

"_Shit... this bastard's fast!_" Ryu thought with growing frustration as her punches kept missing.

Seeing that she was getting more desperate and reckless, Ranma decided that it was time to go on the offensive. She ducked under one of Ryu's right hooks and counterattacked with a devastating uppercut that knocked Ryu off her feet. Ranma triumphantly shouted, "Gotcha!", sure that he had knocked her out with the blow. To her immense shock, however, Ryu twisted around in midair to land in a handstand position, then propelled herself feet-first into Ranma's gut.

The attack sent Ranma flying, and while she quickly found her feet, it took the redhead a few seconds to reconnect with reality. Ranma gasped for breath, the attack having knocked the wind out of her.

"_W-what the hell?_" she thought. "_That uppercut should have laid her out flat! What's with this girl?_"

Ryu laughed at Ranma's confusion. Wiping a little blood from her lip, she said, "Nice punch, but I don't fold so easily. Dad and I beat the shit out of each other so often that you're gonna need a crowbar if you want to knock me out in one blow. Now come on, sissy boy! Is that all ya got?"

Now basically recovered, Ranma smirked and said, "Oh, don't you worry. I haven't even begun to fight!"

Ranma thought to herself, "_This girl fights just like Ryoga: she's strong and she can take a hit, but she's reckless and doesn't have much of a strategy. She may can take one of those blows, but a bunch of them, plus a few of my 'special' tricks thrown in, ought to knock her out cold in a hurry._"

Ryu viewed Ranma's standing still as a sign of fear, so she taunted, "Whatsamatta, Saotome? You already giving--"

She didn't have time to finished the insult; before the bruiser from Tomobiki could even blink, Ranma was right on top of her. She could only throw up a hasty defensive posture as Ranma pummeled her with a series of powerful punches and kicks. Ryu realized with growing panic exactly how much she had underestimated Ranma; the attacks the pigtailed girl were delivering were every bit as powerful as her own and quite a bit faster. Also, as tough as Ryu was, her arms were starting to go numb from the continual impact from Ranma's feet and fists. If she didn't pull something out of her hat in a hurry, this fight wouldn't last much longer.

She saw her opportunity when Ranma, becoming somewhat careless thanks to Ryu's constant blocking, prepared to deliver a roundhouse kick with a particularly long wind-up. When the blow came, rather than blocking it, Ryu grabbed hold of Ranma's foot. Ranma's eyes widened in surprise, but before she could struggle loose, Ryu let out a mighty shout and lifted Ranma into the air. Ranma expected Ryu to throw her and prepared to roll, but Ryu had no intention of letting her prey go. She slammed Ranma face-first into the hardwood dojo floor, and before the dazed Ranma could try to escape, she repeated the attack by lifting her once more and slamming her on the other side. Her body pumping with adrenaline, Ryu tossed Ranma around like a rag doll, leaving numerous cracks in the dojo-floor (as Soun would later notice tearfully). Her energy almost spent, she lifted Ranma one last time and dropped him with a pile driver throw. Panting from exertion, Ryu fell flat on her butt and gasped for breath.

"T-that bastard... was... tough," she wheezed. "I sure showed him, though."

"It... ain't... over yet, toots," a voice from behind her said.

Ryu looked over her shoulder and broke out in a cold sweat; Ranma was looming over her, bruised all over and bleeding from the nose and various cuts, but still conscious and incredibly angry.

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!" Ryu screamed, springing to her feet and backing up quickly. "H-h-how are you still conscious?"

"You aren't the only one who can take a hit," Ranma said, wiping the blood from her nose onto her right hand. "That was a nice attack you had there, slamming me into the floor and all. Hurts like crazy. But you aren't the only one with some tricks up your sleeve!"

Ranma administered a surprise head butt that made Ryunosuke stagger backward into the wall, and Ranma took his opportunity to repay Ryu for her earlier punishment. Ryu heard the words "Chestnut Fist!" before exploding into a world of pain. Ranma used his special attack to pummel the defenseless girl who could only manage to half-defend her face from the barrage of lightning-fast punches.

Something inside of Ranma suddenly clicked and she halted her barrage of punches. Looking at the dazed, trembling girl, she thought, "_W-what the hell am I doing? She's just a girl... no matter how cocky and annoying she can be, even though we're both girls, beating her up like this just ain't right..._"

Ryu, however, was not privy to these thoughts of mercy. Feeling the punches stop, she cautiously opened her eyes and saw Ranma panting and looking confused. Assuming that he had merely run out of steam, she took advantage of the stroke of luck by kicking Ranma off his feet and several feet away from her.

"Oof!" Ranma exclaimed, grabbing her stomach. She angrily thought, "_That crazy girl! I try to cut her some slack, and this is how she repays me?_"

"_This is it!_" Ryu thought, dashing toward Ranma. "_I've got nothing left but my special technique; if this fails, it's all over!_"

Ranma, now back on her feet, prepared for the worst Ryu could dish out. At the same time, she looked for some weak spot that could put her out of commission; the pigtailed fighter's anger had run its course, and now she just wanted the fight to end.

Just as she was about to enter punching range, Ryu slid to a stop and shouted, "Fujinami Fearsome Fatal Final Attack!"

"Fearsome Fatal Final?!" Ranma exclaimed. This sounded bad!

He prepared for some sort of ultra-nasty spinning kick or something of that nature, but to his surprise, Ryunosuke reached into her pocket and tossed a large coin into the air.

"_Hey! Is that 500 yen?_" Ranma thought, glancing at the coin.

"**500-yen T.K.O.!!!**"

As the glowing right hook connected with Ranma's forehead, the only thing she felt more intensely than the pain was how intensely stupid she had been to fall for such an elementary decoy. Ranma flew from Ryu's fist, crashed into the dojo wall, and collapsed face-first onto the floor. This time, she stayed stock-still.

END OF CHAPTER 5

----------------------------------------------

Hello, folks! Well, my updates may still be slow, but at least they are now fairly steady. Hopefully those two traits will allow this story to be the proverbial tortoise that won the race with the more quickly-written rabbit.

I know this chapter leaves quite a few things up in the air, but fear not! The next chapter is almost completely finished already, and I'll post it very soon. Chapter 6 was originally intended to just be the second half of chapter 5, but I decided to split it in two when it became much, much longer than I expected. Well, anyway, please don't forget to leave a little feedback so's I'll know what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong. Thanks!


	6. Oops! Genma Did It Again

Ryunosuke remained in the same fist-outstretched position she had been in when her final attack connected with Ranma's face, sending him flying into the east wall of the Tendo Dojo. As the red aura that had surrounded her fist dispersed, she stared at Ranma's motionless body with weary satisfaction.

"Heh... heh... got him," Ryu said, smiling weakly. She felt the world spinning, and before she knew what had happened, she, too, had collapsed onto the floor. Her final attack had taken every last iota of energy she had left, and now she could only lie there and rest until her body recovered enough for her to get up.

"H-hey... Ryu..." called a weak, muffled voice.

Ryu lifted her head just enough to look over at Ranma, still lying immobile with her face to the floor. In a voice weak with fatigue, Ryu mumbled back, "Damn... you're still awake? You're even tougher than I thought."

"That was a dirty trick, you know?"

"Whatever. Worked, didn't it?"

"Well... yeah..."

After looking thoughtful for a second, Ryu added, "You know, you ought to be proud. You're the first person ever to remain conscious after getting hit by that technique."

"Joy."

After a few moments of silence, Ryu spoke up again: "So, uh... who won? We both collapsed, and it looks like neither of us can get up."

"Hell if I know," Ranma muttered, lifting her eyes to meet Ryu's. "Wanna call it a tie?"

Ryu managed a weak grin. There was something strangely reconciling about two opponents beating the pulp out of each other to the point where fighting was no longer an option. Perhaps it was the fact that their anger had been physically spent, or maybe the free time afforded by not being able to move allowed them time to realize that this particular fight had been needless and more than a little hasty to begin with. Either way, neither Ranma nor Ryunosuke could bring themselves to be all that pissed at one another anymore.

Finally, Ryu shrugged and said, "Heh. Sure; why not?"

Ranma returned her smile and said, "All right, then. What say we drag ourselves to supper?"

The pigtailed girl used her arms to raise herself to her knees and from there unsteadily rose to her feet, but Ryunosuke had a much harder time picking herself up from off the floor. She struggled like someone who had done one too many pushups but refused to stop, trying and failing several times to raise herself. After the third failure, she groaned wearily but then gasped as she felt a hand touch hers. She looked up to see Ranma standing over her, offering her a hand. Ryu blushed slightly, but she allowed him to help her to her feet.

"_Wow... Even after taking the full brunt of my final attack, he still has a lot more energy left than I do,_" Ryu thought, marveling. "_Ranma really is something else... no wonder he's considered unbeatable in these parts._"

The two turned toward the exit in order to leave but were surprised to see a stocky, bald figure standing in the doorway. Genma Saotome stepped from the shadows outside and gave five quick claps before tossing his "son" a kettle of hot water.

"Bravo, boy, bravo!" Genma said. "Not only did you defeat the legendary Fujinami Final Attack, but you proved you can be a gentleman, too. You make me proud, m'boy!"

"Pop... thanks, I guess," Ranma said, pouring the water on herself (which then became "himself"). Eying his dad suspiciously, he asked, "So, uh, exactly how long have you been watching us?"

"Woooo! What, has my boy been doing something with this sweet young thing that he shouldn't have been? Say it isn't so!" Genma teased.

"Sh-shut up, ya old fart! We were both girls; that'd be gross! We're not perverts, y'know," Ryu stammered, turning beet-red.

"She's right! Grow up, Pop," Ranma snapped, turning a little red himself. "Did you come in here for a reason, or are you just here to try to embarrass me?"

Genma's eyes narrowed, and after glancing left and right, he quietly shut the door. Clearing his throat, he began, "Well, to tell you the truth, there is something that I need to tell you two, and I'd just as soon do it here so it's only the three of us."

Ranma grimaced and muttered, "Uh, oh... Every time you say something like that, it usually means trouble for me. All right, out with it. What's up?"

Genma pushed his glasses up with his index finger and settled a serious gaze on the girl leaning onhis son's shoulder. "Ryunosuke, that attack you used on Ranma just now--the 500-yen T.K.O.--your father taught you that technique, didn't he?"

"Uh, yeah... It's been in our family for a while now. I think my grandpa came up with it," she said, looking at the older man curiously. "How do you know about it?"

The panda-man scratched his bald head and stared at the ground. After a few moments of silence, he reluctantly replied, "Your father used that very attack to defeat me in single combat many years ago, and he won an important concession in the process, a 'little arrangement', you might say."

It took a few moments for his words to sink in, but once they did, Ranma sweatdropped and his face turned a sickly blue color as he realized what his father had probably done... again. He looked over at Ryu, who also looked rather shocked.

"A... a concession?" Ranma asked. "Pop, you don't mean--"

"--my dad gave you popcorn and a drink **for free?**" Ryu finished.

The Saotomes pulled a simultaneous faceplant.

Ryu continued, "Geez, I can't believe it! That old cheapskate never even let me go to the movies, much less bought me any popcorn! That must have been some fight."

Ranma recovered from his faceplant, rushed over to where his father was standing, and grabbed the middle-aged man by the neck.

Eyes blazing with anger, Ranma spat, "Pop, this **better** be about popcorn, 'cause if you've done what it sounds like you've done--"

"Aaack! Stop choking me, boy! I can't very well tell you what happened if I'm dead!" Genma gasped, his eyes bulging out.

Realizing that he had a point there, Ranma reluctantly released his father and muttered, "All right, but this had better be good."

Genma looked whimsical and he stared off into space. "It all happened when I was in seventh grade..."

------

_Young Fujinami gave his friend an annoyed look and shouted, "You have glue in your ears or something, Saotome? No means no, already!"_

_Young Genma playfully ribbed his buddy and retorted, "Oh, come on, Fujinami; don't be that way. After all, don't you want to improve your skills in the martial arts?"_

_Fujinami frowned and replied, "Of course I do, but give a fella' a break. If I have to give up any more food this week, my old man will have my hide!"_

_For several weeks now, Genma and Fujinami had engaged in a sort of 'battle-betting' game similar to what Ranma would play with Ukyo many years later. The two would each wager something, they would fight, and the winner would collect his winnings (because of this duo's natural tendencies and the Fujinami family business, the prize was almost always food). Fujinami had definitely come out on the short end of the stick on this game. These were the days before the little creep had mastered the fine art of the dirty trick, and his martial arts skills still needed much honing. Genma, on the other hand, was already the wily, powerful character we all know today, sans many years and a lot of lard. As a result, while Fujinami had managed to win an occasional sandwich here and there, he had lost massive amounts of food to his gluttonous chum through a recent string of defeats. _

_"Fujinami, don't be a sissy! Just wager something and let's do this," Genma urged him impatiently. "Come on! You're getting better every time, and you've already beaten me a couple of times, right?"_

_The skinny boy stopped in the middle of the dirt road and pondered the offer. On the one hand, he couldn't afford another loss; his dad was every inch the hard nose he himself would eventually turn out to be, and one more loss of prestige and sell-able food would mean getting the snot beat out of him and extra chores for a year. On the other hand, if he played his cards right and used that new technique his dad had taught him the other day, he might very well come out the winner on this deal..._

_"Well, all right, Saotome, but only if we wager something big," he said. "I'm tired of fighting for peanuts. I'll wager... lessee... 1,000 yen!"_

_Genma looked him with wide eyes and said, "Have you lost your mind? I don't know if you've noticed, Fujinami, but I'm poor! I barely even have enough for lunch money, so there's no way I can fork over 1,000 yen. I'm fine with playing big, but you need to pick something other than money, 'cause I'm flat broke."_

_"Hmm... Well, what else could we wager?" Fujinami muttered aloud. The wheels and cogs in his devious little brain turned until the proverbial light bulb appeared above his head. "Aha! I've got it! How about this: if you win, you eat for free at the Hamajaya for a whole year!"_

_Thoughts of fast food bliss danced in Genma's mind, and he drooled buckets. Suddenly remembering the other half of the wager, he sobered somewhat and said, "That sounds great Fujinami, but what'll I wager? Not everyone's family owns a restaurant, you know."_

_A devilish gleam sparkled in Fujinami's eye, and he said, "Genma, you're a really strong guy, and I'm willing to bet that your kids will be really strong, too. Since I want my kids to be masters in the martial arts, I figure they could really benefit from a spouse that can kick butt. What I'm getting at is this: for your wager, I want your promise that if one of us winds up having a girl and the other has a boy, they'll be engaged to be married. Deal?"_

_Genma hesitated for a second, worrying about the possible repercussions of this bargain, but the temptation of a year of free food finally proved too much for his notoriously feeble conscience. Besides, he reasoned, the future was a long ways off, and even if he lost, it wouldn't be __**his**__ problem anyway. _

_"Deal!"_

------

Genma Saotome was snapped out of his little reverie by two strong arms putting him into a chokehold that left him sputtering for air.

"I can't believe you, you old fool!" Ranma screamed into his ear. "You mean to tell me that you were trading my future happiness for food **before you even got to high school?!**"

Upon hearing the point of the elder Saotome's little fable, all of the color had drained from Ryunosuke's face, leaving her in a state of near-shock. She had been prepared for, even expected, some act of deviance on her father's part the moment his name was mentioned, but this new twist had completely thrown her for a loop.

The corner of her mouth twitched once or twice, and then she erupted in a peal of nervous laughter. She said, "Oh, oh, I get it! D-don't you see, Ranma? Your dad is just having a little fun with us, that's all! Heh, heh... You know, he really had me going. For a minute there, I actually thought our dads really _had_ engaged us or someth..."

Ranma was shaking his head and giving her a look of restrained exasperation, while Genma was drenched in a cold sweat and trying to avoid looking her in the eyes. Ryu's hesitant smile slowly morphed into a look of horror as the reality of the situation sank in.

Dropping to her knees, she moaned, "Oh, shit... This can't be happening... I-I-I... I'm engaged to a near-stranger? Holy hell... I need to sit down."

Ranma glared at his father and tightened the headlock. He snapped, "Now, see what you've done? Dammit, Pop! What do you always do this stuff to me?"

Genma, turning purple, gasped, "N-now don't be hasty, boy! Think about it; it happened when we were in eighth grade, for Pete's sake! I bet Fujinami doesn't even remember it anymore!"

"No, no... Dad never forgets something that he's owed," Ryu said despairingly, holding her head in her hands. "He still has a boxful of IOUs from kindergarten that he collects on every now and again... makes a killing on compound interest..."

Glancing up at his son and finding him looking angrier than ever, Genma quickly added, "Look, I kept in contact with Fujinami until about 15 years ago, and I didn't think there was anything to worry about! After all, I naturally assumed that his only _son_ was a boy!"

"That's no excuse and you know it!" Ranma growled, choking his dad even harder. "You made the deal a long time before he told you that!"

Genma, now flashing all the colors of the rainbow, rasped, "Boy... I... I had a... good reason, honest! Hear me out! Aaaaaaagggghhhh!!!"

Furious but also curious, Ranma released his father and let him catch his breath. Ryu and Ranma moved in closer to hear what Genma's explanation for this latest fiasco would be. He straightened himself, brought his breathing down to a calm level, and his face adopted a very stern expression. The dojo fell silent as Genma eyed the young pair.

His glasses gleaming in the light, he said, "You see, kids... Fujinami's mom made some of the best ramen in all of Japan."

Ranma and Ryu cracked the already-damaged dojo floor even further with a massive faceplant.

Genma put a hand behind his head and let out a belly laugh. He chuckled, "So you see, I had to try! I... ulp!"

Ranma and Ryu were both giving him death-glares and putting off enough angry aura to cook an egg. They cracked their knuckles in unison.

"**DIE, OLD MAN!**"

A sound like a clap of thunder erupted from the dojo... as did Genma, flying skyward at speeds upward of 150 miles per hour. Inside, the only sound besides the echoing sucker-punch was the pitter-patter of little bits of plaster and splinters falling away from a Genma-shaped hole in the ceiling.

Ranma and Ryunosuke both lowered their clenched fists and sighed, feeling somewhat better for having served justice on that perfidious panda. When their eyes met, however, the awkwardness began anew.

Ryu blushed deep-red and stammered, "Uh, l-look, Ranma, I... that is, we..."

Ranma was also embarassed but, being a (reluctant) old pro at this routine, managed to keep his cool fairly well. He put his hand on her shoulder in a buddy-like way and gave her the biggest smile he could manage.

"Ryu, let's talk."

-------------------

Fifteen minutes later found Ranma and Ryunosuke sitting against the wall of the dojo, staring out the new skylight at the night sky.

"So, let me get this straight," Ryu said, looking at Ranma out of the corner of her eye. "This has happened to you several times before? And you still have three unsettled engagements hanging over your head?"

Ranma nodded, not taking his eyes from the stars. "Yup, that's about the size of it. Akane, Ukyo, and Shampoo all have claims on me that are all pretty legit in their own right, but as to which one is the _most_ legit, that's anybody's guess."

"I see," Ryu said quietly. "And now there's me, too."

"Looks like it."

A period of uncomfortable silence passed in which Ryu did her best to summon up enough courage to discuss this further. Despite being a girl, Ryunosuke Fujinami was the ultimate badass, a widely-feared street fighter who took crap from neither man nor beast. When it came to matters of romance, however, she was about as green and unexperienced as it got. Her typical solution to boy problems was to just beat them up and go about her business, but this time was different. This guy wasn't being a pervert or even remotely coming on to her; their current predicament was no more his choice than it was hers. This situation required finesse; rather than fists, Ryu would have to work this out with... (ulp!)... words.

"_Come on, Ryunosuke_," she told herself. "_Just lay down the law, already! If you don't get this cleared up now, who knows how far this thing could go? Just tell it to him straight, and if he give you any lip, __**then**__ kick his ass..._"

So, after taking a deep breath, she sat straight up and heatedly said, "Look, man, you're nice and all, but there's no way in hell we're getting married, y'understand? I ain't ready for that kind of stuff, and--"

"Okay."

"--there's too much going on in my life already, and... huh? Okay?"

Ranma finally took his eyes off the stars and returned her puzzled stare. "Yeah, I said 'okay.' What, did you think I was about to propose or something?"

The tables turned, Ryu suddenly became very flustered and sputtered, "W-well, n-no, but... I mean--"

It finally hit Ranma that while getting engaged again was just a big annoyance to him, this sort of thing probably seemed like a matter of life and death to most people, particularly a naive, extremely confused girl like Ryunosuke.

Attempting to be more patient and gentle with her, Ranma explained, "Look, Ryu. I don't have any intention of marrying somebody just because my pop told me to, and you shouldn't, either. Things like that are too important to let someone else decide for you. I have to deal with enough of that crap in my own life; I'm sure not going to force it down someone else's throat."

Realizing that the situation had been defused and that they were of the same mind on this issue, Ryu relaxed and even smiled a little.

Noting this, Ranma grinned and continued, "I mean, think about it. I'm promised to so many girls that an engagement to Ranma Saotome is practically worthless, anyway. You could probably buy one on the internet for fifteen yen."

Ryu unsuccessfully tried to stifle a laugh; realizing that her "tough" routine was as unconvincing as it was unneccessary by this point, she finally gave in and snickered at the joke. Ranma joined in, and the awkwardness from earlier essentially came to an end.

In a relieved tone, Ryu said, "So basically, we're just going to ignore this whole engagement thing and go about our normal lives, right?"

"Right, right!" Ranma said, highly relieved himself. He thought, "_Whew! About time this engagement thing resolved itself without me getting hurt or sexually harassed... and it's the sexually-confused, violent girl who winds up being my only reasonable fiancee. Who'd have thunk it?_"

Ryu interrupted his thoughts by quietly saying, "Hey, man... thanks for being so understanding about this. And also, sorry about earlier. I do tend to fly off the handle when I get pissed off, and that's gotta change if I want to do this woman thing right. Let's start over; no fights or any of this engagement crap hanging over our heads. All right?"

With that, she extended her arm in a handshake. Ranma could barely believe this was happening; he and Ryu were literally at each other's throats less than 30 minutes ago, and now they were acting like longtime friends. Things never, ever turned out this well for him... but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Ranma shook her hand and sheepishly said, "Sure thing, and I'm sorry about earlier, too. Even I know I can be a real jerk sometimes. I shouldn't have led you on like that about the notes, and I sure shouldn't have lost my temper and tried to beat up a girl... even if she did almost wind up kicking _my_ butt."

"Hey, whaddya mean, 'almost', huh?" Ryu said, playfully ribbing Ranma. "All of these cracks in the floor say otherwise, bud!"

At that moment, Kasumi cautiously opened the door and peeked inside. She released a sigh of relief and smiled; despite the damaged state of the dojo, it was plain to see that the pair that had resolved their differences with no fatalities. The eldest Tendo sister opened the door all the way and stepped inside, drawing Ranma's and Ryunosuke's attention.

"It's so nice to see you two getting along again," she said, smiling warmly. Upon getting a closer look at them, a look of concern crossed her face, and she added, "But it looks like you had a bit of an... um... heated argument in the meantime. Are you both all right?"

Not quite understanding what she was talking about, Ranma and Ryunosuke turned and stared at one another. Ranma had a trail of dried blood running from his nose and the beginnings of a shiner on his left eye, likely the result of Ryu's final attack. Ryu, on the other hand, had a trickle of blood from a broken lip and numerous bruises on her face courtesy of Ranma's Chestnut Fist. With a hint of dry humor, both realized that they looked like pro boxers that hadn't known when to quit.

Kasumi pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to Ryunosuke, saying, "Here; you two need to clean up before coming to supper. Follow me, and I'll get you both some bandages. Again, though, are you both okay? You do look a little rough, you know?"

Ranma waved her concern off, saying, "Hey, don't worry about us. The one who's really gonna need the bandages is Pop, once he comes down."

"Comes... down?" Kasumi asked, confused. Her eyes followed Ranma's finger to the hole in the ceiling. "Oh, I see."

-------------------

_Later that night, Tendo residence..._

Ranma cast a weary glance at his alarm clock, and he groaned with disappointment when he saw that it was already 12:30 a.m. After stifling a yawn, he turned back to the sheets of paper in front of him. Ranma had been sitting like this at Akane's desk for several hours now, and the numerous paperwads littering the floor behind him spoke to the effort he was expending on this project. His sleepy, bloodshot eyes kept wandering to the switch on the desk lamp, and once his hand even started to make its way in that direction to shut it off and call it a night, but he grit his teeth, slapped his face lightly, and redirected his gaze back to the paper with dogged determination.

"C'mon, man," he told himself. "You made a promise to her. You gave her your word as a martial artist. You can't go to sleep until it's all planned out."

After supper earlier that night, Ranma had had a little talk with Ryunosuke before she went home to her tent. He renewed the promise he made to her the night of the storm: he was going to help her become more of a woman, more of a lady, even if it killed the both of them. Ranma realized that he had totally dropped the ball where today was concerned, and he knew that if he was to keep his promise and make his training regimen work, he had to come up with an organized plan. He had been doing that for hours, and while he had made some progress, there was still much that needed to be done.

His body kept telling him that it needed rest, and his brain told him that he should go to bed because he had school bright and early the next morning. Even so, Ranma continued to plan on into the night for reasons that even he didn't completely understand. There was his promise, of course, and Ranma took such things very seriously, but there was something about Ryu personally that contributed to his drive. Was it pity for her situation? Guilt over putting her through one of his infamous engagement ordeals? A personal liking for the spunky little tomboy? A combination of all of these factors? Or something else? When he finally finished in the wee hours of the morning, Ranma shuffled the handful of papers and placed them in a neat stack on the desk.

"_She'd better appreciate all of this,_" he thought as he groggily made his way to his room. "_Yeah, I'm sure she will... or won't she? Aw, who cares...?_"

In all honesty, Ranma didn't know what to think of his pupil just yet; Ryunosuke could be so darned violent and tempermental one moment, but the next she could be kind, reasonable, sweet, naive, innocent, and... yeah, even a little cute, in her own odd way. In that respect, she reminded Ranma of another certain short-haired, tempermental girl he knew, but the thought barely had time to register before floating out of his exhausted brain. All that mattered at this point to our poor, pigtailed zombie was becoming one with the futon, a task he had no trouble with. The moment his head touched the pillow, he was out like a light.

-------------------

_Same night, Ryunosuke's tent..._

After spitting out her toothpaste and rinsing off the toothbrush in a cup of water, Ryunosuke grabbed the tiny square mirror hanging from the roof of her tent and scrutinized her face. She smirked upon noting that the cuts had already healed and that the bruises were already looking much better. She honestly had expected as much. Having become accustomed to taking as many severe beatings as she did on a regular basis, her body had developed a freakishly-efficient immune system that healed all but the most severe injuries by the next day.

"Judging from the way he fought and the life he lives, Ranma will probably be good as new by tomorrow, too," she said to herself. "Speaking of tomorrow, it's gonna be another busy day... I'd better hit the sack."

Ryu began to undress in order to put on her pajamas. After unzipping and removing her jeans and unbuttoning her shirt, she began to continue her usual routine by unwrapping her sarashi, but the sight of the white bra cupping her breasts stopped her in her tracks. As the reality of the fact that, yes, she really was wearing a bra, and yes, it really was hers to keep, washed over Ryunosuke, her heart swelled with a mixture of pride, fulfillment, and a deep sense of gratitude. What a difference a day made... in 24 hours, she had accomplished two longtime dreams by finally wearing women's clothing and by finally exchanging her restrictive sarashi for a decidedly-more-comfortable brassiere. They were goals she had worked toward unsuccessfully for years on her own, and now they were a reality thanks to the help of her mentor and fiance.

Her _fiance_! Ryu shook her head in disbelief; she still couldn't get over how weird that sounded, even if they had agreed to ignore the designation. In retrospect, she realized that her father's covert engagement plot shouldn't have come as any surprise. After all, with her dad's unnatural desire to transform his daughter into a manly hunk, it was only logical that he would attempt to be just as controlling in terms of her marriage prospects as he was with every other aspect of her life. In fact, the only real miracle about this situation is that it hadn't before.

Upon reflection, Ryu also realized that she had been damned lucky that things had turned out as well as they did. Almost as a rule, Ryunosuke Fujinami was not a fan of male half of the human race (given that the majority of her experience with guys came from her demented father and the amorous attentions of Ataru Moroboshi, she is not to be blamed for this). Adding to that the fact that her own semi-confused sexuality made the prospect of romance and marriage nigh-unworkable, she couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't more upset about this whole "surprise engagement" thing than she actually was. Maybe it was Ranma's quick dismissal of the whole thing that made her feel so at ease about the situation, or maybe it was the fact that she knew her father would never force her into what he would probably view as a "gay marriage."

Putting on her pajamas and lying down on her futon, it dawned on her that it probably had a lot to do with Ranma Saotome himself. Although he had proven that he could occasionally be a real asshole, particularly in the hour leading up to their fight, throughout the rest of the day he had proven to be one of the most genuinely nice guys she had ever encountered. He was generous, sweet, forgiving... and most impressively in Ryu's book, he had a right hook that could crack concrete. What's not to like about a guy like that?

Ryunosuke smiled, closed her eyes, and drifted off to sleep, but not before thinking, "_Yeah, being engaged does suck, but if I __**gotta**__ be engaged to someone, I could do... a lot worse than... Ranma... ZZZZZZZZZZZZ..._"

-------------------

_That same night on a tiny, deserted island just off the Japanese coast..._

Two figures, the only living beings on the half-acre island, sat alone in their tiny cafe. The first was a short, thin, middle-aged man with a small moustache who wore glasses and a bandanna tied around his head. The other was a pretty "girl" with long, brown hair that wore a full-length yellow skirt. Both were huddled around a box of tissues in the middle of table; inexplicably, the pair had been sneezing almost nonstop for the last several hours.

"AAAACHOOOOOO!!!"

"Bless you, father," said the girl, before giving a delicate sneeze herself.

"Ugh... Thank you, Nagisa, and bless you, too," the man said, pulling out another tissue.

The girl (who incidentally wasn't a girl) looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, "Father, I was thinking..."

"Yes, sweetie?"

"... do you think that old wives tale about sneezing when someone is thinking or talking about you could be true?"

After blowing his nose, the man grumpily said, "Well, beats me, but if it _is_ true, I wish whoever it is would shut up and stop gossiping about old Shiowatari and his dau... dau... ACHOO!"

"Bless you."

"Thanks."

After a few moments of sniffling, the man brightened and said, "Hey, I know! What we need is a snack to un-stuff our noses and take our minds off our troubles. How about that sea urchin ice cream? It ought to be ready by now."

Nagisa became very excited at the prospect of food; she retrieved it from the fridge before Shiowatari had even finished his sentence. They both scooped out a bowl's worth and dug in.

"Wow! This really is good, isn't it?" Shiowatari said, contentedly patting his belly.

In between mouthfuls, Nagisa said, "You bet... (_slurp, slurp_)... it's... (_slurp_)... to die for!"

END OF CHAPTER 6

----------------------------------------------

I guess my first order of business would be to explain the end of this chapter since it's a little obscure. Toward the very end of Urusei Yatsura, it was revealed that Ryunosuke's dad had engaged her to the daughter of his childhood friend. (Sound familiar, Ranma fans? Well, if it doesn't, stop drinking and read the rest of this later.) As it turns out, the "daughter" was actually a cross-dressing son named Nagisa. While on the surface this might sound like a match made in heaven, it actually turned out to be much more like hell. Unlike Ryu, Nagisa **loved** being a drag queen, and to make things worse, he was gluttonous and way too touchy-feely for anyone's comfort. To top things off, Nagisa was a ghost, dead as a result of eating a ludicrous amount of sea urchin ice cream. They sort of revived him (he was now alive but still vulnerable to anti-ghost charms) and he moved into the Fujinami household. Ryunosuke hates this guy unconditionally, and her relationship to him is much more "Ranma-chan and Kuno" than "Ranma and Akane." Anyway, although Nagisa and Shiowatari won't make their debut until much later in the UY timeline, I thought it would be fun to show their demise here.

Now, regarding the Ranma-Ryu fight and the reader response to it... Although I realize that by now I should have developed a thick skin when it comes to this particular subject, it never fails to amaze and frustrate me that many in a fanfiction section nearly infamous for off-the-wall ideas still consider Ranma getting beaten by anything less than a Z-Fighter some sort of inviolable taboo. If Ranma can become a catgirl-wizard-demon who marries Ryoga after being appointed "Sailor Senshi of the Asteroid Belt", then is it really so far-fetched that given the right conditions (such as a powerful sucker punch, underestimation and mercy on Ranma's part, and a hell of a lot of good luck on Ryunosuke's) he _could_ lose a close fight? I say it's well within the realm of possibility, and if you disagree, then tough luck. I'm the author, and it's my call.

Now that I've opened and swallowed that can of worms, allow me to end on a much more friendly note. As always, I appreciate all of your support and hope that the story is still a fun, engaging read. If it isn't, please let me know where I err so that I can do better in the future. Again the emphasis is on "**please let me know**," regardless of whether the opinion is thumbs-up or thumbs-down. I'll keep writing and updating even if I don't get a single review, but knowing that people are still reading and do still care is always a powerful morale boost when it comes to writing this stuff. Thanks again, and see you next chapter.


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